Wednesday, 17 April 2013

2. I HATE HER MORE

Two weeks went by in a blink of an eye. I still received no hint if Rina is taking my motorcycle for grave proceeding. The outcome of the drama I created has troubling myself once again, although blowing up my resentment towards the teacher had put my rage into ease.

 

Deep down inside, I am not done with the teacher. As long as she refuses to return my bike, my hatred towards her will escalate. The indignation has buried me into the deepest repugnance. Too many times she embarrassed me in front of my classmates. I feel utterly insulted by her attitude towards me. Never had I seen her doing the same thing to any other students. Only me. Always me. Recalling her first-day teaching in my class, she had shown me an uneasy feeling from the start.

 

What did I do wrong? I never messed up her class. Uninterested in the subjects she teaches leaves me shiftless, that’s the fact. Therefore, I often fall asleep during her lecture. Pay no attention, I admit, yes, always. Even so, never once I interfere while she was teaching. If not sleeping, I remain silent.


Sure enough, I did not distract the other students or making noise, chaos, or any bullshit that might cause problems to all parties. Possibly, the odium against me nurtured seeing me continuously shown her the cold shoulder. All these occurrences become the full picture of hating her class, the subject, indirectly to disliking herself, so does it do to her, maybe.


Rina’s face came and went off my mind, flashing alternately with the picture of my black Aprilia. Two weeks without my bike, it was awkward. My parents, by chance, weren’t at home. So, I was lucky that I didn’t need to answer and listening to their questions and preaches, particularly my dad. However, if Rina is still unwilling to returning my bike, I have to deal with my parents the coming weekend. Hopefully, she won’t prolong the agony.

 

That morning, two weeks after the suspension, instead of using the facility my daddy provides, I chose to catch public transport to school. Though it should not become a routine, yet I have no clue when Rina cares to return my bike. Like it or not, I had to face the fact that I lost my bike, for the time being.

 

Ten minutes passed by, not a single bus appears, not even a taxi. No one there but me, waiting for the bus I missed, as a result for my unpunctuality. At eight, which means in twenty minutes, I need to present myself in the counselling room. In the letter he sent me, Mr Remy requires my attendance in his office on the first day of school after my two-week break. I enjoyed the holiday, sure enough not to go back to school.


“What a boring life.” 

My heart protested as Rina’s face played in my mind, smiling joyfully riding my beloved Aprilia. Hence, I lit up a cigarette, wishing that the smoke will cloud her shadows. I talked to myself about how healthy it'd be if I was still in my bed sleeping or just hanging at home. Home? What do I have at home? The house is also tiresome. Empty and silent at all time. What about skipping school and spend the day playing games in the shopping mall? Playing games? Shopping mall? So not me. OK, it definitely is more gracious to catch a cab straight up to the lake, spending the day there, fishing? Hmm... Any suggestion was evidently impossible to fulfil my wish since I need to report my attendance to Mr Remy. What to do? Simply walk the day with that fake smile again.

“Be cool, Andrey...” Told my-inner-self to me.

“Yea... So cool that I must face the rule after the Q and A with that Remy the fucker.”

 

 

As I slipped the second cigarette between my lips, there... A shiny black car stopped right in front of me. No more scratches. I wondered what she has done to my bike. For two weeks, I didn't touch my beloved bike. Needless to say, I missed my buddy so badly. Now I have to beg this teacher to return my bike, indirectly burying my ego and pride. 

The window rolled down, Rina looked at me with a grin. This time, it’s real, neither an illusion nor a shadow, my eyes were not cheating. The teacher called my name, my ears didn’t lie.

 

"Morning honey... Care for a ride?" As if nothing happened, she invited me gleefully. I got up and walked slowly but surely towards her.


"I need my bike, Miss," with respect and politeness, I tried to butter her up. However, she turned her head and looked straight. Not to my face, but to the empty face of the street. I caught a grin at the end of the corner of her lips. A smile that tells me, "you wish."

 

"Oh, c’mon. Miss. I need my motorbike. I am begging you now."

"Well, keep on begging baby... I love that."

“What a bitch you are...” I cursed her silently.

"Hey, before you get late to see Mr Remy and before I get late for my class, you better hop in. There'll be no bus. Not in an hour." She offered, more demanding, actually.

"No, thanks... I'd rather walk."

"As you wish," an easy answer from her smiling lips thrown to me before she rolled the window up and pressed the pedal, left me standing there, eating smoke.

"Fuck!!! Seriously, fuck that bitch!!! Damn it!!!"

 

I arrived at school five minutes late in a taxi, to shorten the story. Straight away I went to see Mr Remy in his office.

"So Adriana... Feeling alright after the suspension?" He began the conversation.

"I suppose," with self-assured, I answered. The fucker, Remy smiled.

 

"I don't really like it to see you so often in this room. It's always you. Last year... The year before, still remember?" 

Arrghhh... This asshole really pissed me off.

"Here's your file. Read it through and stay fresh in the judgement." He threw a file with my name on it, and the file landed on the table, showing off his authority to rule me.

"Move along... Read it out loud." He demanded.

"Do I need to do this? I have a biology class now. I prefer to sit in the lab for hours instead of being here with you in your smelly room, Mr..."

"I said read it out loud..." Sigh. With a sigh, I took that file and turned the first page.

"September 19, fight with the history teacher, Mr Kanai, suspended for a week. October 7, suspended for a week for throwing ink on a classmate's face, Tina... ....." And so I read on as he ordered.

"I hope you’ll learn your lesson, this time," said Mr Remy, smiling ear to ear.

"You know what? You don't need to see the Principle, lucky you,” he added.

“Thank God,” I replied quietly.

“Miss Joseph requested to cut this off. Be thankful for her tolerance."

 

With no holds barred, the statement delivered me a big surprise. Hard to believe that Rina will end this matter just like that. Called to mind, about a year ago, a student got expelled from this school as a result of scratching a teacher’s car, Mr Remy's car, in detail, just as I did Rina's. In fact, the scratch I made on my economics teacher's car was even worse than what the boy did to Mr Remy’s car. The truth is, I was expecting the same penalty so that I can move to another school. Or even better quit the school altogether.


I was very sure that Rina will expand this matter up to my parents' knowledge. It all turned out on the opposite side, nevertheless. Hiding my interest to ask further, I stayed silent, but deep in my mind, I was wondering why did she decide to free myself from the consequence, although, it is well-deserved. The offence is punishable. Mr Remy, however, didn’t care to elaborate the reason.

 

As if it was carefully planned, Rina stepped into the room and took her seat next to me, creating an antagonistic vibe in my blood. Even her smell makes me sick. The the rage inside me burning up right away, erasing my gratitude for the tolerance she’s offering.


"You know what to do,” said Mr Remy, who seems to extremely love his job.

"What?"

"Apologise."

Gosh… One thing I hate to do for that bitch. Then again, I know I have to... Not that I want to. I repeat... I have to. Forcefully, I stood up and bent forward a little.

"I am sorry for scratching your car, Miss. Please accept my apology," I extended my hand to the teacher, even so. Pissed off, needless to say. However, I managed to make an apology and let her win this time albeit it was certainly not from the heart. The admission of guilt wasn't even sincere. Deep in my brain, I'm planting ideas to let her pay the price. The teacher, on the other hand, sat perfectly still, with her legs crossed and looked at me in the eyes with that bitchy smile. A smile that tells me..."Yes... I won!!!"


She welcomed my hand with a strong grip. They were sweating from the displeasure she sent on my skin. We shook hands, just for a moment. Without delay, I let go of her handshake.

"Apology accepted," giving me a cynical look, she nodded with a big smile. 

"May I go now?" I asked for permission to leave the space, since I was in all honesty, feeling miserable being there. Mad, irritated, embarrassed, humiliated, are all there, mixed and mingled with my feelings at that time. And that has extinguished my intention to ask her about my motorbike. It was apparently not a proper time to do that.


“I'll wait until school ends today.” I convinced myself, tried to loosen up my mind. Within the rage, I left the room eagerly straight to the biology laboratory. My heart started to sing.



Miss Davis, or as us students call her by her first name, Miss Sophia, is our biology teacher. That gorgeous, sweet bachelorette was drawing a diagram on the blackboard when I came in. I like that teacher. She is very diplomatic and thoughtful. To me, she is a substitute for all the heartache and wrath I held within. Just a gaze at her lovely face, it constantly sending me a reliable atmosphere.

I feel comfortable, invigorated and serene as if I am being surrounded by rainforest and waterfall.

 

"Morning, Miss... Sorry, I’m late. I needed to see Mr Remy," I greeted the teacher and gave a brief clarification for my lateness. She turned her head and looked at me with her shining eyes. Melted. I was melting again. Those brown eyes of hers thaw my frozen heart from the start.

"Morning, Andrey. Two weeks, that was long... How was it?"

"Owhhh… Nothing much. I enjoyed the vacation..." She giggled. I like it very much to see that woman laugh and smile whenever I try to crack a joke.

 

"Ok, look, Andrey, if you want to, we can spend some time talking about it later," offered Miss Davis of which definitely excites me. I thanked her before I took my seat at the last corner of the classroom. Concentrating on the subject, you can say it is my favourite subject or precisely my favourite teacher, I totally over and done about Rina. On the whole, I was underwhelmed, although deep inside, I couldn't wait to meet the teacher after school that day.

 

At long last, the bell rang signifying the end of the school session. Wasting no time, I hurried to the parking lot, stood and leaned my back on her car, waiting for the owner. After the third smoke, I saw her walking towards the parking lot with her hands carrying a stack of books and files. I chuckled, didn't care to lend a hand at all.


"Why are you standing here?" She questioned nonchalantly, moving to the back of the car. The trunk opened and there she laid the books and the files she carried. Like a love-sick puppy, I followed her.

 

"Miss, I want my bike," I gave her an honest answer, hoping she will give in. Sadly, she didn’t bother to reply, not even looking at me.

“Miss, please… I really need my motorbike…” I had to beg again, tailing her to the front side of the car.

“I will pay you, how much you need... Just give me a figure, please Miss. I will pay double if that’s what you want.”

 

Still with her eyes refusing to look at me, she opened the door and started the engine and then she said, "well, get in, I’ll take you to your bike.”


I was undoubtedly pleased to hear that so I gave her a sincere thanks. She smirked, just an annoying smirk that really get on my nerves, without a single word uttered. I didn’t care much, as long as she agrees to return my bike. We didn't talk to each other for about 10 minutes until I pulled out the cigarette box from my backpack, which has drawn her attention.

 

"Don't you ever dare to light up that shit in my car," leering at me, she gave a warning.

"Sorry..." I purred.

"Could you please at least put on some songs? Too silent here.” She didn't bother fulfilling my request.

"You are not in a good mood today, hmm?" I tried to set up a conversation, but it seems, she chose to keep her silent. And so, I decided not to read a word until at length she stopped the car in front of a mall.

 

"I need some refreshment.”

Without waiting for my reply, let alone my consent, she stepped off of the car, walking to the nearest café.


"This will take long..." My heart sighed. Hesitantly, I follow her. My legs felt weak as if they wanted to break while my turbulent emotions cannot wait to pick up my bike. That was not a favourable occasion, on the other hand, she left me with no choice. I desperately need my motorbike. Spend the after school with a teacher who constantly gets you sleepy was never a sound idea. Despite this, what choice do I have since she still holds my machine?


"Why don't you want to take in some meal? You should probably get a snack or something. You look tired and sick," she suggested. I have absolutely no appetite at all. A flavour of her made me full all day long. So, I just ordered a coffee.

"Where did you actually park my bike, Miss?"

"You'll know..." That was a very boring conversation that I've ever experienced in my entire life. I smoked again.

"Can you not quit smoking that shit?" She demanded with her irritating intonation, made me completely annoyed being with her.

"Miss, could you please hurry? I have no time to waste. Just get me to my bike, please..."

"Would you be patient, please? I am still eating."


She put down the fork and then she reached for the napkin before she wipes her mouth. Her voice after that calmly connected her words earlier, "I don't get it why you are so rude to me, Andrey… it seems like I have done something atrocious to you, which led you to hold revenge and hatred towards me. Do you have an explanation for that?"

"No such revenge or things like that. I just hate the class. Economics. That's it exactly. And being rude to you? What's your point actually? I mean, seriously... Do I?" She giggled.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"What sort of an interrogative sentence is this?" She expressed joy as she pissed me off.

"Well, I think you should learn how to treat a woman."

"Whatever. How much I need to pay? Say it, two, three thousand? I’ll transfer right away."

"Do you think money can buy everything? No, you are wrong. Money is nothing. At least not to me.”

“But you said I can have my bike when I can afford to pay you. Now I have the money, just return my bike. What else do you want?”

“Hmm, anyway, it looks like that machine is your girl so far, huh? You know what... You should try to take a girl for a ride on that bike. Must be sensational, believe me."

 

She laughed without paying attention to my request, looking cosy and relax. I truly didn't see what made her cheerful now, unlike when we were driving on her car around half an hour ago. There was nothing funny. I felt so irritated but she ignored the look on my face that shows a sense of displeasure with her treatment.


What is she actually? Why must she come out with such questions? This woman confuses my mind. I couldn't even figure anything out. As a matter of fact, she has provoked plenty of enigma in my mind. Why does she act like this? Where’s the punishment? Why did she invite me for a drink? Why is she so annoying? And why me? Why me, Rina?


“Look, teacher. I'll give you the money to fix your car. You return my bike. Then we are done. Simple. Agree?” I made a suggestion before sipping the rest of the coffee.

“Not that easy, Andrey. You need to pay the real price.”

“Gosh…”


If it weren't for my beloved motorcycle, I swear, I would not have followed her. The given answer drove me totally crazy.  I was only able to shake my head. She kept on smiling at my troubled reaction. Maybe she enjoyed treating me like that. This woman really wants to play.


I leaned my back against the seat and took a deep breath as I contemplated her face, into her eyes which piercing right into mine. No words and there was no smile from me. On the contrary, I still see a smile etched on her lips.


“She must be really happy,” whispered my heart.

“Yes, she seems truly pleased that she knows how to squeeze my time and then make me jumbled like this.”


I observed the face, the figure I hate to look at, all this while. The woman who is now sitting before my eyes in a private hi-tea, arranged by herself. Herself who so swells with pride. And through my observation, Rina is sometimes, weird. For a while, I took a good look at her. She's actually not old, not at all. I guess in her early twenties, even though I always address her as an 'old chick'. She's only 23-25, I assume, and as far as I heard from the other students, she's still available.

 

And though it may seem strange, within the annoyance that conquered me, there is something I had to admit. Even supposing the fact, I should not betray my bad blood. I’ve got to come clean. Miss Catherina Joseph, in reality, is a good-looking woman and with that sexy body, of course, she has a lot to offer. What Andrey?!! Come again, what did you just say?! God, I just couldn't believe it... It is like a confession in the courtroom. I am the victim and I am also a criminal who's caught in my own crime. I could fall for her if she's as cool as Sophia. Or may I say if she's not that annoying? Gosh... Am I totally out of my mind? But frankly, yes... I was being fair to myself that day and I guess this honesty should not offend me.

 


Why do I hate this woman? Hate or dislike, I was not sure what is the correct definition of what I feel about her. It started when she always criticises me, finding my faults, gives me no credit even if I did well in the test or even an examination. For instance, in my exercise book, she enjoys crossing here and there, leaving 'see me' thing on it. I matched every time with my classmates, obviously, I managed it well. I am not stupid, maybe a little lazy, plus economics is not my thing at all... It’s like all I have to do is memorise the facts and data and some formulas. That's all... But why Rina, why me? It seems to you, in your eyes, I am just a loser. Even if for you I am, well, at least, give a better mark on my card, for my effort. Because of her, I fail to be the best student in her field, the thing I never failed to accomplish in Miss Sophia Davis' class.


"No answer. Lost for words, hmm?" She asked again when I kept my mouth mute.

"Answer what? I need my motorbike. I want it now, after that, I’ll leave you in your own world. Just take me to my bike, please Miss."

"Do you actually have a girlfriend and may I know who that lucky girl is? A girl from the school, maybe? In my observation, you seem more comfortable being alone. Looks like, you don't have friends at all. Alone, aloof and deathly quiet. You are conceited, too proud of something... As though they are not qualified to be your friends...?"

 

I declined to believe my ears. How dare this pussy spit those words to my face? It appears that she truthfully has a burning desire to put me on fire. Her statement lit up the rage within me. For that reason, my pride swiftly pushes me to walk away, however, as I was just about to move my legs and leave her, conversely, my brain delivered me a message.


“Relax... Let's just go with the flow and see what her point actually is. You don't need to be overly sensitive. Don't argue, Andrey. Be humble for an hour or two, then you can shoot her up. OK...?”

“OK...” I dealt with my brain.


"With all honesty, Miss, I have no girlfriend. I can't see any reason why I should have one. And Miss, there are differences of being introvert and arrogant or proud as you presume, am I right?"

"Well, you got the point," she replied with a smile.

"I have friends." I paused, realising the verity that I lied. And then I continued, "but by the way, Miss, you are not watching me all the time, don't you?"

"Don't you feel like having one?" Instead of answering, she preferred leaving me a question as she slurped her drink and licked her lips. Oh my... Is she trying to seduce me? The teacher seemly putting fire on me more than what it should mean. I really need to bring myself out of here ASAP.


"Well, I don't need a girlfriend for the time being. Not now. It's simply not the proper time to mess with such a thing. What's the importance to have a girlfriend anyway? Besides, I'm still too young and I must not bring myself into trouble that might cause me to lose concentration in my study." Lost in my thought, still I managed to provide her with a decent response. Miss Joseph, on the other hand, keeps staring at me, as if she is keenly perceiving my reaction.

 

"Hmm, that's better. I like it when you speak softly to me like this,” she responded to an inquiry that has never been asked. Really, I feel so fucking tired. Bored to death.


"May I ask you, Miss, if you don't mind...?”

All of a sudden, I felt a little strange in the conversation. It seems my mind has been stimulated by her words, the questions she asks, her character, her gestures, her body language, her expression and all that jazz. One thing I’m certain of is the sense of excitement that abruptly touches my subtle feelings. I’m curious about her.

 

There the amusement begins. I only have one intention. I want her to return my motorbike. That’s all I need and that was the only reason why I am willing to listen, entertaining this puss, hold my patience, and engaging the whole afternoon with her until she inclines to surrender to my request.

 

"Anything, anytime..." She beamed a big smile, looking so enthusiastic as if she's delighted to answer the question.

 

“Over the matter you asked earlier, I think you are the one who hates and holds revenge towards me.”

The question that stuck in my mind this morning resurfaced, pushing back into my memory. Somehow, I believe this is the right time to talk heart to heart. The teacher looked at me with a gentle gaze, taking a few moments before providing me with clarification.

 

“What gave you this assuming?”

“From the start Miss, I remember everything…”

“No such hatred or revenge. But as a teacher, I want my students to pay attention in my class and you failed to do this.”

I nodded, admitting the reality of her answer.

“I have no reason to hate you, Andrey.”

“Yes, I admit my weakness. But Miss, please know that it is not my intention. I don't know ... Maybe the subject doesn’t suit me.” I finally expressed my lack of interest in economics.

“It’s OK. I understand.”

The answer is short but the reflection of her eyes that penetrated right into my face is very long and deep.

 

“Miss…”

“Yes.”

“I wonder if you have a partner... A boyfriend or girlfriend?"

 

The question brought her laughter. It effortlessly made me smile because... hmmm… that laugh… OK, I've gotta be blunt again. That laugh actually makes her look so much better. I have to make an apology to myself to keep on repeating this. Maybe this woman had put me under her spell.

 

Rina pulled her glasses and slid them over her hair. Ah... That's perfect, so I can see her eyes clearly.

 

“Yea, so that she can easily hypnotise you.”

Again my heart teases me and myself, I couldn’t help but declare that I like to see it every time she put the glasses on her hair like that. It makes her look… for the most part... God, I swear I detest myself for saying the but she is indeed a stunning woman.


"Frankly, Honey... I had a girlfriend. But I left her. It's been almost two years. She's a teacher too."

So, I get it and I was right when not so long ago I came to the conclusion that she is a lesbian.

"Oh... I am sorry to hear that, but what happened?" Showing my interest, I aspired her to keep on telling me her tale.


"Well... It was because I couldn't feel that passion anymore. Twenty months with her. Unfortunately, as the day goes by, I get bored and played out to serve her manners."

"What do you mean?" I asked for more details.

"She is bisexual and I hate it."

"Ohh, I am really sorry to hear that..."

"Nothing to be sorry. That was exactly a completely wise decision. Well... Like a shot, hon, tell me why don't you have a girlfriend?"

"Didn't I answer you just now? It's just not the right time... To be honest, I like a girl from the school, but I guess it's just not the right time."

"Not the the right time or you are just overly proud to admit?"

 

"No... It’s not like that. Don't need to rush... There are lots of tomorrows. Anyway, why are you so eager to know? And Miss, one more thing, I’d like to know the reason why you are not taking further action to my misconduct?”

"Hmm, it's indeed a pair of riveting question."

"Provide me with the best answers, then, to both of them."

"Forgive me, unfortunately, I only have one answer to your questions.”

“Means?”

“Simple... Because I like you."

 

With that reply, I took my turn to laugh. What a joke she is trying to crack? I don’t want to believe this.

 

"Strange? Do you think I'm kidding? It's not a joke, honey."

She fixed me with an unwavering stare as she uttered those words, trying to convince me.

 

"Yea, sure you do like me and for that reason, you love to give me red marks and no credit at all, even though you can see that I answered the questions correctly."

 

The time has come for me to express everything I feel, emphasising the word 'love' in the sentence before I go on, "it's always me that you pointed at every time. Throwing chalk, expel me from your class, what else? Scolding me in front of the other student… It seems everything I do is wrong to you and you left a hatred inside of me, don’t you know...?"

 

For a few moments, silence filled the room. No words escaped our lips. I looked right into her face, waiting for a reply. I feel relieved after I released the commotions that have been locked in my heart for too long.

 

Unexpectedly, her hands reaching mine and she gently rested both of her palms on my hands.


"I am so, so sorry, honey. I didn't know that." She whispered quietly.

"Can we get my wheels straight off? It's getting late," again, I demanded since I don't have the volition to learn the interpretation of her 'liking' towards me.

 

"Yea, sure... Let's go, honey..."

After a long wait, she finally gives up on my will. So she drove us to her house, not really far from where I live.

 

“Thank you, and forget about what I said. I know I’m not a good one. You don’t need to prove it.”


Rina looked at my face with a wistful gaze. She didn't return my words and I didn’t want to know what she has on her mind.

 

 

"Here is your key. Thanks, I enjoyed my time with your bike."

"Yea, thanks to you too Miss." The key exchanged hands. Joyfulness radiated on my face.

"Perhaps someday you'd want to get a hold of me for a ride so you can experience the feeling to have a girl holding you from behind," she said while rubbing my back.

 

"Yes, of course, I'd like to experience that. We'll see... Anyway, where's the bike?"

"Oh, sorry... It's there..." She pointed her forefinger at the porch. My bike was covered. She took good care of my bike, I thought to myself as I thankfully walk to the porch and removed the cover.

 

"What the hell…???!!!" I could almost scream. And so I turned to her and grabbed her wrists pretty hard.

"Why you do this to me???!!"

"Well, you scratched my car... I painted your bike. Isn't it fair? I think the colour suits you. Don't you like it? "

"Owhhh... Rina... But no, not with that colour... And those.... aaarrggghhhhhhhhhh..........." I was speechless, messing my own hair. She smiles that kind of smiling again like she's done very well in her algebra class while I, with a weak move, turned to my beloved bike which is in pink now plus those writing on each face of the tank.

 

"I 💓 Rina and the left side goes ... I 💓 economics..."

 

"You do like that, don't you honey?" She relished the amusement she made.

"I had a soft spot for you at the restaurant today, but thank you... Now you ruined everything and I need to say this to your face that I hate you even more... I hate you, Rina!!!"

 

Feeling humiliated, I carried all the bitterness inside, leaving the house and drove straight to the nearest workshop to get my bike painted black again. I am informed that it needs a week, which means I have to wait for another one week until my buddy and I will have fun again with pride and joy.

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