CAMPING - JANJI SATU UJIAN
JANJI SATU UJIAN

CAMPING

JANJI SATU UJIAN


Camping. Something I fond of. Since I was a kid, I solely love being with nature as if we were born best friends. That was how I came to instigate my new world in an exclusive way where the lake has become my buddy since then. It has witnessed every circumstance I've ever encountered through the years and will remain my silent witness, as long as I am nowhere from here. Even if time would take me far away, somehow I know, I will return.

Last night I got home around eleven. It was a long outing day for my best friend and me. From lunch to dinner, from dinner to supper, before we had to agree with the needs to say goodnight. We expressed a lot, many affairs, many honest things, about life, study, the future, quite a bit about the past, about our pastimes, from one subject to another, from a restaurant to a diner, from a diner to a café. I wished I owned the ability to prolong the rendezvous. No kiss received nor given, still, the vibration honestly entered my conscience.

My brother was reading alone in the garden when I arrived so I joined him and we used up a few hours talking, relating to the day and I notified my twin about the camping suggested by my best friend. Yes, right after I told him how I enjoyed the time occupied, hanging around with Farah.

“I can see it how your eyes dilate every time you look at her. You adore that girl so much, that I don’t doubt. You, yourself are doubting the fact. A man once said; Love doesn't begin and end the way we seemed it does. It is a battle, a war. Love is growing up. You should listen to your heart.”
Like a war… easy to start, hard to end.”
Momentarily, I misgiving myself for saying that. It is undeniable started very easy but, to stop? Will it be a laid back for me to forget about the feelings and hopes I keep for my own best friend? Truth was, I am in a war, a battle between my logic and sentiment.

“Any reason why are you so fond of her?” A question I don’t own an answer, somehow it made me ponder solemnly about it. About the reasons. The why's. The facts. The effects. At times, it looked as if I actually see that it is simply an emotional game, a distraction in my being. Nothing serious whatsoever. Isn't it normal to be attracted to beautiful people, to the splendour?

“It originated by her look. Yea… as you can see, her good look attracts me, that's unquestionable. The brain easily affected by colours, doesn't it? Besides, she's the only friend I ever have. I love everything about her. From the look to the brain. Inside and outside. And the way she treats me. She makes me feel special. Loved. Needed. I know she loves me. I'm touched… but I have no key to the emotional therapy she imparted.”

The conversation went on and on revolving around the issue until our eyes grew heavy and it was time to sleep. After refreshing myself, I laid down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. The dim light of the scented candle set my spirit anew. I love candles and scents, they relax me. Even though side table lamp is more practical, nevertheless, I appreciate reading and writing under the candlelight. It brings out a soft truthfulness from my spirit to my own ego, my own creation. My reserved galaxy. The warmth of its light and the willingness to watch and listen, it’s always ready to be a dedicated companion through my lonely nights. Everyone in the family is aware of my fondness moreover, every now and then, my mum leaves some candle on my board since she understands that I value candles rather than cake or chocolate.

Recalling the talk I had with my brother, I agreed with his words. Ones should have guts of what they want. Yea, they should have guts of what they want… What do I desire? It’s a question for myself, indeed. What do you want, Ray? The same voice inside communicating with my heart and soul again, with a crowd of questions.

Farah's face reflected in my eyes immediately, just as the same approach of her kisses took over her face, turning it into one of the obscurities that I wish to clarify. This girl, whom I call inspiration, defines beauty to my life simply with her existence. A girl I call love. That is all what I want and I pray that she will be that someone. Farah. My best friend. Definitely, I want that girl to be mine, even though it is considerably clear that it requires huge efforts to turn this dream into a reality. Undoubtedly, I must have the audacity to fetch the intention of my innermost core.

Her love, heart, attention, caress, kisses… Those dreams consistently become my fantasy. Am I really heady with romance? Love. It is a fresh word I begin to learn. Something new in my life. The feeling which somewhat incoherent me. Seventeen years of my life and that was the first time it got into my soft spot. Too young, undeniable, still, there it begins. Regardless the age, I started to understand that it is a normal situation occurred in the soul of every adolescent turmoil. I am experiencing changes which require discretion, patience and scrutiny in guarding the feelings. Each thought, clutter, confusion, bewilderment, slowly peeled from my heart. I looked at them one by one, sensibly, to unlock the answers in their own way. It’s just the matter of time.

~~~~

My twin agreed to carry his task preparing our needs for the camp, while I took the responsibility to take care of food supply. Farah? I told her just to be ready, look good and nothing else. Like I do,
she looked very excited for our first camp with my brother as she spread out the door when I rang the bell.

“Good day, buddy,” I saluted with my right hand grasping hers in a handshake,  where a hug and a kiss on the cheek become a fluency. Never in my life have I managed to practice this with anyone apart from my kin.

“When will you get a driving licence?”
“I will drive legally next year.” Farah shook her head while looking at me and said, “please bring me safely to that place. I trust you.”
“Greatly honoured. I won’t disappoint someone who trusts me. Hmm by the way, Farah, I’m going to buy a tent for us. The one we use before is broken and we don’t want to share a tent with my bro, right?”
“No, thank you, I don’t sleep with a bloke.” It is an honest truth, an openness of which set my heart at ease.
“And you don’t need to buy a new tent. I have one, remember? It stands untouched for so long, but is still good. We can share the tent, unless if you feel more comfy and safer to sleep in the same tent with your bro rather than with me... I leave it to you.”

Sleeping in my brother's tent and let my girl sleeping alone? No way. You smell million times better than my twin, Farah. My inner voice speaking to me as I accepted the fact that the time has come to say goodbye to our childhood. Now he has a girl, the place where his heart dwells and I am sure, with time, there will be someone meant to be mine. Practically, I already have someone now. Farah. The first of everything in my life. Wherever this friendliness may take us, I know that love is ours. Only God alone knows what tomorrow will bring. Merely, time will reveal. I smiled at her suggestion without any argument.

~~~~

“Here we are. Finally, after so long. Do you remember when was the last time we camp?” Said my brother, as he parked the Jeep close to our campsite.
“Two years, I guess.”
“First time, Farah?”
“Here, yea but we made out a few camps before. I really like this place, anyway. Isn't it dangerous to camp out here?”
“No, the police are always on guard around this area and we are not the one who camp. Take a look there.” Answered my twin, pointing his finger at the other side of the lake. There were at least four other tents standing and also a few people waiting for the fish to grab their baits.
“Here…” I passed on a binocular to her.
“We have informed the nearest police station, in case of anything. So, don’t worry about it. We used to camp out here.” I explained. She smiled at me and put down the binocular on the stool we brought.

The afternoon gave way along really smoothly. After we helped each other unloaded the stuff and setting up our campground, it's time to appreciate the tranquillity of nature. Sunshine and cool breeze complement each other combined with the serenity of the trees surrounding us, the open blue skies above, the quiet green lake. How wonderful and peaceful it is to hear the whisper of the wind while the birds are flying free, singing their songs. Every time the breeze blows softly to its surface, the water created a modest undulation. It is an incredible connection I have always savour to discover.

There are many things we can learn from nature. I couldn't agree more and the best part of the camp this time was that it is shared with two very beautiful people. An understanding brother who is full of love and tenderness. A friend who cares about causes and reasons that I still have not put across. They manifested in my life to know the meaning. A value in those instances that I've neglected. The meaning in myself, which I never read in depth over the years. The substance of life that occurs with time. Is this what they called maturity? If so, I am getting a line about it, about the maturity. Maturity, according to my life, childhood was the time I exited. In this phase I made a pledge to myself, knowing that I have been missing some things from my point of view. Those things now become the direction and purpose of my existence. By all means, that's the goal. The trail of life which is definitely full of thistles and thorns  therefore, I need to be better prepared.

“Got it! I got one!” I yelled when a fish caught my bait. A middle size, I have no idea what type it was, a Tilapia, I guess. I am not familiar with types of fish even though fishing is my hobby since I don’t consume fish. It’s the feeling it gives that matters. Farah who was diligently painting stopped her activity for a while and run to me to share the rapture.

“So this will be our dinner.” She expressed joy. I nodded and replied,
“I will try to prepare the best for you. You can have all the fish in the lake. I don’t fancy eating fish.”
“Yea, since she was eight, in detail.” My brother interfered. He who showed no interest in the fish, continued his reading, lying lazily like he always does when we spend time here while me, fishing.

“I know. But you can eat the whole cow.” We laughed.
"Yea, every part of it but not fish. I can’t stand the smell.” That answer made her laugh cheerfully. The sun shone over her face, made her eyes browner than I have ever seen. Magnificent.

We went back to our activities. I didn’t know what she is painting. It's her hobby. My best friend truly is a talented girl, a great painter, I must say. When I saw her standing doing the task she loves, it reminded me of the book she read and yesterday she told me about the compatibility between us. Nature, music, art. Those leave me some clues. 

From the spot I sat down with my fishing rod, I stole a glance at her who looked so deep and diligent, focusing on her job. Her simple appearance in a Persian green top suits the motive of our camp, matched with her knee-length jeans. The sunglasses rested on her head brings the glimpse of how she looks at school. I grinned alone, watching her from that distance.

At the end, I caught six middle size fish and decided to stop, considering it is enough for the day.
“You set up the fire, I will prepare our dinner.”
“What did you buy?”
“Some canned food, instant noodle, cookies, buns, bread, peanut butter and we have fresh fish here. You will see.”
“You never cooked.” He doubted.
“You know that’s the best part, Lye. When someone never did something but is willing to try, that's what passion means. An experiment. I’m feeling honoured to be the first tester.”
Said Farah and then she continued, “this is for you, hon.”

I was really impressed. What a great painter she is. So skilled. I was truly awestruck, amazed by her talent. That picturesque acrylic painting looks so alive. For a few moments, I got speechless adoring the artwork she exhibited to me. There was me painted on the canvas, fishing, while lazy Lye lying down reading and also herself standing at one corner, painting, exactly like the real model, complete with the colours of the nature around us. Perfection.

“Don’t you like it?” She asked when I spoke out no words.
“Of course, I do. This is a masterpiece. Are you sure you want me to have it?” I fixed my eyes straight into her eyes. They are smiling, glowing. Full of affection.
“It’s yours, honey.”
“Oh, Farah… I have no words to express how grateful I feel… this is so affecting. May I hug you instead?” She laughed, noticing that the words taken from yesterday’s dialogue. And to make it similar, she smoothly took me in her arms and fed me a firm squeeze. Tender and warm.

“I love you. Thank you for permitting me to partake in your playground.” She whispered in my ear severely delicate, very gentle. We let ourselves soothed in the grip until the flash from my bro’s DSLR shocked us. He grinned and flashed another few shots.
“Beautiful moment like this should be captured,” and he continued, “this will make you smile one day. Come, give me another handsome grin, you both. Let me take a non-candid.” So, we stroke some pose for the photo shoot session.

~~~~~

I was busy preparing dinner when Farah excused herself for a swim. Seeing her in a swimming suit, once longer, I'm thrilled to see her pristine perfection. For a moment, I ask myself, is she an angel? My sight followed her movement, walking carefully towards the lake. As she set her feet on the water, I began to realise how beautiful her legs are. And when she sank her body into the water, it gave me a clearer look at her perfect figure. It is an impeccable picture I would always love to portray, in any given way. The sunlight radiating on the surface of the lake sparkling with her presence, complements the scene like the moonlight accompanying the stars, admiring each other’s splendour in the still darkness. I, who was preparing the dinner, every now and then stole a glimpse of her who delighted in the fresh water of the lake. She swam carefree and independent, comforted my heart to see her happy.

“Too bad you don’t swim.” My brother teased me when he caught me glancing at my friend. I smirked, accepting my inability to swim. Somehow, I am afraid to swim, but I love to be near the water. I tried, but I just can’t.
“Merely as a proficient friend, I believe she’s willing to teach her favourite buddy.” He finished his sentence with a gentle smile when I didn’t reply to his comment.
“Sometimes I can’t believe it, you know… it’s to me like a dream that she is here with us now.” Brushing off the words he just says, I expressed my thoughts.
“We couldn’t know the surprises life holds for us. I like her. I think she’s cool.” I nodded to his remark.
“Yes, she is. You should have been there the moment she stole my bike.” We laughed.
“I believe everything is well-written for us. On that point are some mysteries and the answers behind all that happens.”
“You are right.”
“It doesn’t seem a matter to her if I know about her feelings for you. I like her honesty. Just being her true self without an effort to hide anything… I see... you bought lemon too?” Said my brother and
after that asking me when he saw me dividing the lemon into two with my favourite Swiss Army knife.
“Yea, I learnt the basic of preparing fish after the dinner with her. She had a fish that night. Halibut or something. Pan-grilled.”
“Hahahahhaha…… first, the book she reads, now you told me about the fish she had. I'm eager to see what's next. What did I say? Now you can see, there’s always a mystery and an answer for everything. God, I couldn’t believe this… but after all, I feel proud, you know?” Burst out into a big laughter my brother uttered his compliment. I laughed too.

“It must be a real interesting subject. May I join?” I didn't notice when she came out of the water as she approached us from the rear.
“Just reminiscing the good old days.” My brother did the reply.
“Hmm, hon… that looks nice and smell good. Lemon. I love fish.” She commended while drying her hair with a towel, still in her swimming suit.
“This is my first time preparing fish, so don’t expect too much. A comment is acceptable but not a complaint.”
“Ahhh, doesn't matter. It’s the accountability that counts.” She conveyed a profound line before she went inside the tent, to dress. My brother gave me a meaningful smile.

“You are one lucky asshole. Unbelievable. How lucky you are.  A great painter. A knock-out. She's a perfection. What a complete wholesome. Tell me what have you been doing to her? Putting on a spell or are you a silent charmer?” My brother still can’t get over his feeling of surprise on the attention Farah provides me.

I put my finger to my lips, “Shhh… Lower your volume. She might hear us. She has really good ears.”

The darkness finally enveloped the night. A campfire set and we took place sitting in front of the flame, to enjoy dinner. The fish which I marinated now ready to be grilled. Kettle with coffee also available. To me, pretty please with instant noodles and baked beans. If we were still hungry later, bread and cookies can keep us full. Such camping easily makes us hungry, what is more, when we are awake and singing all night long.

Once the fish is laid on the grill, the aroma pierced the appetite. Although I do not eat fish, I love the flavour of herbs and lemon mingled in the marination.

“It smells and looks really good. Can’t wait to taste.” Farah who sat beside me already gave a compliment before even tasting the meal. She appeared so attractive with the simplicity she shows. Her hair still wet, made her look sexier. No cosmetic applied, nevertheless, it does not affect her natural beauty. Her perceptible loveliness, an allure remains, untouched.

“I would like to thank both of you for the nice camp. It’s been so long since the last one. I'm simply loving it. Perhaps next time we can fix up a camp by the river or anywhere.”
“Certainly… I hope next time Lisa is allowed to join the clique. Her parents quite strict. I wish she was here.”
“Yea, of course, her parents feared to let her with a private campground like this. Sooner, the time will come. Anyway, Lisa is a very cute girl. You are lucky to have her. I bet she is as smart as you. Take good care of her.”

“Indeed, she is and that’s the reason I love her. For sure I will never let her down. She’s my first. I know we are still young to be so sure about love, but there is one thing I am very certain of that if God willing, want her to be my eternity.”
“Lucky you, bro. I’ll pray for you. If it’s God’s will.”
 “I wish you the same. When we are sure of what we want, of course, we will try to get it, but, it’s all the will of God that has been written for us. As a human being, we are only able to put effort and the rest, we leave it over the hands of Fate.” We both nodded to the sentence she spoke, acknowledged the truth of her words. Try. Ones must try. Ones must work on the things they wish to have. Ones should have faith and pray for it.

“What about you? Don’t you want to accept one? Someone like Lisa, maybe?” She took over the momentary silence with an inquiry that was a bit jolting me so I didn’t submit an answer to her interrogative sentence. If Lye wishes for Lisa, I honestly wish for Farah Hanna. I let my heart do the talk, which only I alone can hear.

“Or are you more interested in someone like me?” Either my mind is very easy to be read or she is extremely sensitive to my emotions, it was another query I won’t be able to retort.
“I actually am comfortable with you,” the answer spilt out of my mouth without my first thought. Well, at least it is an honest patency. Lye smiled from ear to ear at my answer while enjoying his fish. I turned my face to her, she smiled at me with her eyes glowing. Her hair is getting dry. I was actually expecting a response to my reply but she just kept on smiling at me, commenting, “your fish is superb, hon, you should teach me this.”
“I’m still learning.” It seemed like she chose to let the topic hang, so I traced her flow.
“In that case, what about learning together? I’m not a good cook, but I love to wine and dine. The best is at home, I assure.” That was a pretty clear statement, in which delivering excitement inside me. We gazed into each other's face again as if we wish to cling on to the moment for eternity.

“Ray told me about the dinner he had with you.” My brother alarmed us of his presence.
“I bet he told you everything occurred between us.”
“Yes, I did. He is my only friend.”
“Well, I hate to be bogus. Let me come clean that I sincerely love your twin.” Without hesitation she let her feelings out, clean and clear.
“Obviously. I can see how much you mean it.” My brother replied, without articulating his curiosity. Well anyway, it wasn't a surprise to him anymore because I have told him quite everything.

My best friend took my hand and in that firm grip she completed her sentence, “It’s pure.”
The sentence kept my mouth shut, listening to the confession she made even it was not for the first time, but to say it in front of my brother is something new for me. Too new.
“I feel happy to find that there is someone who cares about my twin. And Farah, whoever the person is, not the case. What counts is the earnestness and sincerity. I am heartened that the person is you.”

Soundly lost for words, I could just give my all ears to the dialogue as I sensed the hand grip of my friend strengthened.

“You are so sweet. Thank you for your understanding.”
“I am the big brother…” We laughed and then my twin made a request.
“Maybe you would like to share the story about how it came to you to like this monkey.”
“Oh, now… you are trying to tease me. I told you everything.”
“Yes, but at once I would love to learn from Farah’s side. It wouldn't be the same. Don’t argue. We are in a camp and it is a tradition to have a campfire tale.”
“I have no problem with it. C’mon, hon… don’t be shy. Let’s share the moments.”
“Yea… OK. Go on.” I relented. The truth is, in the meantime, I actually excited to hear the breakdown.
“I believe it was destined that I am placed in the same class. The first day of my school, he wasn't there… I mean he was late. Yes, honey, you were twenty minutes late… I watched the clock, don’t be surprised,” she looked at me, raised her brows and then she kept on, “your brother got in through the back door, without greeting, nothing… quietly took his seat at the most isolated corner. I was sure that he thought the teacher didn't see but no, she was wrong. We saw him. Call up, hon?” The preamble made me smile. I nodded and silently said, “yea.”
“I just ignored him. Pretending that I didn't care or didn't notice.”
“Yea, but then after we were given some tasks, you went straight to my desk and ask my name.”
“Right, glad you remember.”

"How can I forget... And I gave you my hand and told you that the seat is empty."
“Not only that, she also asked why I was late,” I continued and then I looked at her, “I gave you an honest answer… I needed to see Remy.” She took my hand and let it rest on her lap.
"Anyway, that was the first day we met. “
“That is a very interesting. I find it so sweet.” Lye's face delighted.     
“Yea, and after that came many unpleasant stories too… you don't want me to repeat, please.”
“So, all this while you keep complaining about me to your bro, huh?”
“Once in a while… whom else?”
“Yea, some, not entirely. You know he can be so secretive, sometimes.”
“Haha, not a wonder…both of you are the Scorpios. Secretive, passionate could be more intuitive.”
“Could be…” I murmured.
“Everything falls off slowly if we truly desire to perceive. Only when we want to explore them with both patience and passion.” And so, she sang to me.

~~~~~

My brother helped to set out the telescope and I took the guitar for us to value the scenic night. That is how we usually enjoy the camp on the shore of the lake. It was a perfect night in a perfect weather. The darkness highlighted the stars that adorn beautifully in the endless sky with a beam of the moonlight. The breeze contributed in revitalising the senses, embracing my heart with feeling superior and compelling. How I missed moments like this… moments we used to spend together, me and my brother. Beyond my expectations, someone has sent to me to share the same interest of valuing the nature. It’s like I have found a reliable friend and a friendship. A friend who seems to be teaching me more than life. A girl who wants to love me. I give thanks to God for the blessings of this.

“I love observing the sky,” I said to her while my brother started to cuddle the guitar.
"If not with the telescope, I would lay down and look up there, try to count the stars, the constellation, to find out the mystery above.”
“Yea… and make a wish upon a falling star…” He finished my sentence, something I neglected to say as I tried not to reveal myself completely to my friend even though I begin to understand that she doesn't need my detail sometimes.
“I do that too. Make a wish upon the shooting star. At home, I like to sit by my window sill to watch the sky, like you do too, hon.” Yea, it is true what she said. I do that at home, sitting on the window sill or lying down in the garden to watch the sky.

At that moment, my twin started to pick some chords I am very familiar with, which made my heart sings and encouraging my soul to reach Farah’s hands and pulled her into my arms.
“You haven’t told me about the sensation you are experiencing dancing with a monkey,” I speak to her beautiful eyes as we swayed lazily into the rhythm played by my brother.
“What more can I say… you know it was perfectly wonderful, just like what I am feeling right now.” She rested her right hand on my shoulder while her left hand holding my right hand.
“C’mon Lye… sing for us.” I requested.
“Let’s sing together, bro.”
“That’s a lovely melody, relate me the story, please, honey.” She whispered very softly, piercing her warmth directly into my soul. My heart melted with the gaze of those shining brown eyes. How could I deny the request?
“It’s about the first love… how the writer got struck the moment he saw her and how he finally found out the truth that it’s her he wants to be with. Something like that… listen…”
I made a brief sketch as I held her close to me. My brother who seemed to understand what is right to be done, finally sang the lyrics while I did the second voice when he came to the last verse.

“Are flowers the winter's choice?
Is love's bed always snow?
She seemed to hear my silent voice,
not love's appeals to know.
I never saw so sweet a face as that, I stood before.
My heart has left its dwelling-place
and can return no more.”

The urge burnt inside me to kiss her lips, however, my intention withdrew, when I think of my twin who was still with us. By the same token, the confusion has drawn a borderline between right and wrong, seeing that deep inside my heart, still, I am still holding her face. As for my brother, I know he wouldn't say a thing about it, on the other hand, I find it improper to display the scene in front of him. I was still timid and didn't wish to hear his comment tomorrow if I do so. Anyway, I did kiss her cheek, instead.

“That’s really beautiful, Lye. Thank you for the sweet performance.” She was still in my arms as if she wished to dwell there forever until I led her to sit and join my brother.
“Thanks for the lovely dance. I’m pretty sure that I will never regret dancing with a monkey.” She whispered a sense of humour in the truth she's conveying and she kissed my hand, touching me so deeply. A girl kissing my hand? I never expected that. But yea, with Farah, I discovered many things. Countless of new things. Crazy things. Great things. Beautiful things. I don’t deny.

“We usually don’t sleep at the camp, but the next day, we claim it at home,” I explained without being asked.
“Moment, please.” releasing her hand’s grip, I went inside the tent to get the mat, blanket and my little pillows.
“It's time to lay down and watch the sky,” I said when I came out with that stuff and spread the mat on the ground.
“Yea, and we talked and talked till the break of dawn. Coffee after coffee… cookies, noodles again or buns… talk and just talk. Sometimes we fell asleep under the open sky unless it was raining.” Lye helped me with the explanation.
“But if you don’t want to, if you feel sleepy, you can sneak inside the tent. Anyway, feel free to join me.” I assured her and without answering, she immediately moved towards me and reclined by my side. My heart smiled, very pleased with her action.

The stars scattered across the stretching sky without an end, clearly visible in this position. They looked so peaceful, it gave me a distinct feeling that night, reconciled my soul what still searching for the answers to the questions of the heart and emotions.

“Don’t you want to bring out your mat, bro?”
“In a while, I’m I the mood of playing now. Feeling so inspired tonight.”
“Once in a while, we need some soul-searching. But to me, I'll never get tired doing this every day.” Quietly I spoke to her with my eyes fixed on the speckled sky.
“I sense that. I can see how happy you are, being here. It unlocks your ego and opens your heart to the things you never revealed before.” Her words, I can never deny. Everything tucked with truthfulness, whether she delivers them in jest or seriousness. In whichever way she chooses, she always picks up the right words to say and they are expressed with sensibility. Therefore, the message often delivered to my senses effectively.
“How are you feeling?” I asked her, who seemed to also enjoy the splendour of the night sky.
“Hard to distinguish, or there’s no word to key-out. Happy. Fulfilled. Touched. Feeling great, wonderful… all in one. Positively.”
“Yea, it’s also hard for me to name the feelings I am feeling now, but all of them are positive. That's what is important, right?”
“Sure, hon. Positivity is the key to everything. Positive thinking, positive deeds. When we think positively, we are leading ourselves to the good things, great things, in fact. And vice versa to the negativity.”

The gentleness of her words emboldened me to touch her hand and entwined my fingers with hers. I know she wanted that too, as she surrendered with her inclination to give, of which I could feel the pulsation in that simple and honest touch.
“A shooting star, you saw?”
“Yea, I saw. I just made a wish.” She chuckled at my words.

~~~~~

I didn’t realise when my brother left us both alone, certain is I fell asleep while gazing at the sky. Farah woke me up and took me to come inside the tent. When I checked, my twin had been already asleep. Maybe he was bored or maybe he didn't want to disturb the privacy and give me the way to be alone with Farah.

“Was a bit cold out there.” She said when we were in the tent and for that, I helped to put the blanket around her.
“The flame should have kept you warm… You look tired and sleepy.”
“I’m OK, honey. Don’t worry.” Pulling the blanket up to her neck, she looked like a baby in the cradle.
“Sorry, I fell asleep. I was a bit sleepy and tired, but I love talking to you.” She smiled.
“Don't worry about that, honey." Her voice is so soft calling me with that name. I begin to like it.
"Do you know what made me happy the most?” I shook my head.
“That you throw your heart a chance to see a different side of me, indirectly you have given me a chance to show it to you. This affords me an opportunity to experience another side of you, and yourself proves it without you even realising.”
“That’s penetrating.” As a reaction, she chuckles again. I like to see that.

We were lying down, face to face. The tent illuminated by a small flashlight, but bright enough for me to be captivated by her lovely brown eyes that always shine.
“Farah, why do you love me this much?”
“Because you deserve to be loved that much and I have so much love to give. I chose to give them all to you.”
“You think it’s right?”
“I believe in the quality you have... I love the real you. You are so different from any other that I know, any other butch I met from the other class, outside the school... You own a trademark. That makes you special in my eyes.”
“You know some other butch outside the school? Means?” I don’t like the statement she made. Am I jealous? I asked myself. But then she replied,
“Just knowing from hi and bye, like I told you before. Nothing serious, don't blindly jealous. Nothing energizes me. Nothing like the ardour you bring to me, honestly. See baby, when we are called to love, then it’s time to love. We can pick out with whom we want to be with but we can’t choose with whom our hearts are meant to be.”

The replied drove me wordless, trying to understand the deeper meaning. She took my hand and wrap it around her shoulder as she moved and laid her head on my arm, covering me under the same blanket, allowing my face to rest on her head, smelling the scent of her hair. I love her smell.

“I love you…” She looked up at me and kissed my chin.
“I really do…” I put my arms around her and held her close to my heart. With eyes closed, I struggled to figure out the truth of the sentiments I held towards her. It was never easy to find the answers, so I chose to leave it to my intuition in which it finally reassured my lips to kiss her forehead. Gazing into each other’s face, I built up some guts to caress her cheeks, adoring her baby soft skin, which made her grin. Her eyes were smiling, too.

The urge I had when we dance rushed back into my strains. I couldn't help but rest my lips on hers, somehow, I know she was waiting for that as she reached my lips sexily with her hand caressing my neck. She loves to do that. At that moment, my heart raced and pounded heavily, as if I could feel the blood ran through my venous blood vessel. Her breath told me that she is experiencing the same. We kissed passionately, long and deep… and I learnt to caress her delicate arms, for the first time. Her skin is as soft as silk, it amazed me as I traced her outline.

“That’s amazing…” I whispered as we broke the kiss.
“You are indeed an astonishing kisser, my baby.” Her smile never tired to beam. Gently, she held my cheek with both hands, saying, “I love you, hon…please know that."
My forehead kissed with affections and sincerity from a heart ready to give.

“I witness everything. You shower me with love. I feel so blessed. We still have lots of tomorrows, don't we?” Still smiling as a reply, I could see her eyes growing heavy, in fact, my eyes getting smaller too. So I kissed those beautiful brown eyes of hers and gently whispered in her ear,
“Sleep in my arms tonight, honey."


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