Sunday, 26 November 2017


“Everything will be better with time, “ Her whisper has set my mind at ease as she grasped my hand. As planned, we headed to the library, spending two hours there concentrating on the subjects until the closing time. I promised the mother that I will send her daughter home before seven, means, we have another two hours together. Her mum told me they have a family gathering tonight at eight thirty, welcoming her father home, after a few months of carrying out official duties abroad.

“A snack or the lake?”
“I’m still full. Let’s go straight to the lake.” The girl’s proposal fulfilled wholeheartedly.
 Along the driving there, she didn’t let her hand off of mine. It made me nervous and thrilled at the same time.
“Can you drive?” I asked, trying to calm myself.
“Sure I can but I'm not planning to get me a licence.” Her reply made me laugh.
“It feels great breaking the rules. But I'm thinking to have my own car. I actually am comfortable with my Aprilia, but to take you out, I prefer driving a car than a bike.”
“Why so? I’d love to enjoy a bike ride. It must be fun, adventurous and electrifying. Will you take me?”
“Sure I will but your mum wouldn’t like it.”
“C’mon… do we need to tell her everything?”
“Your wish is my command.” My libretti greeted with a gratified smile. She seemed vastly contented with the earnestness I bestowed.

“Do you know how amazing it makes me feel every time we spend time together like this?”
“I do, but it sounds prettier when you sing it to me.”
“It’s weird, this differing emotional state you brought into my life. Sometimes I just can't figure it out if this is what they call love. All I know is it feels right, wonderful and cosy. Us, like this, here alone with the nature, even when we were busy discussing about the school and its stuffs, yet the marvel inside is spectacular… I have no word to expound. Ecstatic. It's a fulfilling and energizing contentment.”

Her beautiful eyes fell on mine. They smiled and talk to each other, shining with sincerity echoed deep within. Those eyes left me flummoxed, trying to convey the best verses to reciprocate her speech. A moment or two, I got bewildered by her clarity whilst her absent-minded eyes left me no better phrase to riposte her declaration other than a beam.

“It's supernatural. But don't you think that we are still young to understand what love really is?” At length I responded.
“Yes, it’s true, but look dear, through time, we are learning. This age is an exploration.”
“Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Who knows in a year or two, you have a change of mind?” The issue must be a joke to her as she returned my inquisition with a laughter.
“Are you afraid of losing me?” The enigma responded with an inquiry.
I gave her no answer, albeit the passion I have for this girl is phenomenal. Fondness, comfortable, relaxed, excited, yes, all of these elements exist in my existence ever since she has the shape of my life.
Love is not something I can effortlessly describe, nevertheless.

“Baby, I believe that love comes only once in a life time.” She emphasized her warmth, perhaps my restlessness and loss of nerve is noticeable.
“Don’t you feel the same?” Demanding an answer, she took my hand, holding it tightly. Her eyes refused to stop gazing into mine.
“Ray...” She whispered my name softly as soft as she kissed my cheek.
“You are my first love, darling.” And so she continued, pulling my body closer in a dense embrace while her hands wrapping my neck before she rested her fresh moist lips on mine. A warm and tender kiss like that dexterously turns off every part of my memory on all matters in every respect. My visions flew and swung in her arms, desired to enfold and fondling her endlessly in mine. Engrossed and captivated by her clinch, I gave her a long, deep kiss and my kiss deepened when she started to moan. My hands couldn't stand to touch every part of her and she submitted herself to me with full consent.

“I want you…” Within the hiss, she hushed in my ear.
“I want you too.” I kissed her neck and continued, “but we've got to wait for the right moment and place with no time limit.”
“Allow me to show how true my words are… that my love for you is pure. I want you for life…” Her pleading eyes melting me, I have no strength to let down her plead.
"Our time will come. We belong to each other." 

The clouds marched slowly carrying soft raindrops that settled with safe on the earth as I held her hand and led her to the car. The passion that burnt profoundly underneath the soul of our youth took control of our minds, flew us to a universe we crave to explore together. I could not let my hands off of her form.

Love, is this love? Am I in love with this girl? Does she understand what love really means? Is she serious about ‘first love is forever’? Or everything transpired between me and this girl is just a sort of a transition in our teenage years? Beneath the bafflement, I got to take her home when the time is up, waking us from the ecstasy delineated by purest appreciation.
July, 1994
Remenber when I moved in you,
the holy dove was moving too.
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah.

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