Monday, 12 August 2013

13. ANOTHER SIDE OF AN EXPECTATION

“Rosy is a fucking slut from hell.” Jacqui, with her gloomy face, punched the wall when she got into the classroom that day. The whole class was shocked, looking at her. She slammed a textbook on the desk.

“What are you looking at? Mind your own business!” Yelling at the classmates who were watching her drama, she pulled her chair and sat down.

“Relax, what’s the matter?”
“Last night she called me for a drink, she said she has things to talk about. Like an idiot, I said yes, yes, yes. Picked her up and I took her butt for a nice dinner.”
“And then?”
“She said, she loves me. Gary is nothing. Only after half an hour, or forty-five minutes, Gary came and kissed her and she left me entirely like a fool. Just like that, bro…just like that…not even saying a word.”
“Do you love this bloody lips?”
“Fuck, I hate her.”
“Then why does it affect you this much? I think you should get over her. Caroline is sweeter and better in every aspect.”
“You don’t understand, Andrey. She is hot in bed. When she got hot, she could bear a solid night, game after game… you won’t understand, you are a virgin butch.”

Her assertion made me laughed. I am no longer a virgin butch. An amazing woman got me lost it all for a great night and said it was fantastic, the lovemaking was perfect.

“You wouldn’t know… maybe Caroline could offer you better than that.”
“Ahhh, she is a bookworm.”
“Even worms, they fuck.” I tried to make her laugh, but no… wasn't funny enough to even make her smile, so I asked her, “then, what are you going to do?”
“I hate this Gary cunt. She thinks she is so cool in her sunglasses. They kissed before my eyes, what the fuck. If I lost my patience, I would just kick her tits. Damn it!”
“If Rosy didn't bring it out, she wouldn't get the chance. It’s the girl to blame. The dyke for sure will be proud of it and you… don’t show them your weakness. The more you show, the more they brag. Play it cool.”
“Cool? Just now, I met her at the car park. She said sorry for last night and told me to stick with her. She stated that Gary sucks in bed… and she loves me, always needs me. She asked me to come over to her house tonight. But then when she saw Gary, like a whore, she ran to that fucker and left me speechless.”
“Then tell her to fuck herself. Don’t bother.” My friend didn't reply. She buried her face on the desk.
 

During recess, Jacqui and I went to the cafeteria. We grabbed a burger and a coke before we chose a table in a corner. From afar, we saw Rosy and friends, taking their place on the opposite table. Caroline was there too. She smiled at us. Jacqui threw her sight to another direction. After a few minutes, the dyke called Gary joined the group, with her dark glasses. For whatever reason, that dyke has an obsession of wearing dark glasses all the time. She took her seat next to Rosy and she kissed her cheek. I leered at Jacqui’s expression. Annoyed.

“Relax, please don’t do anything stupid. Finish your burger, then we can get out of here.”
“It’s OK. I'm playing it real cool. I’m cool. At least I’m far better looking than that black dyke, a nigger wanna be. Fucking shit!”
My cell phone beeped. A message.

“Turn to your left, I am sitting among the others. Catch me if you can, hunter.”
“See this, bro,” I showed Jacqui the message.
“Psycho...” said Jacqui as she stretched her neck, inspecting to the left side. I too did the same thing. Many students were sitting there, walking, talking… there was no possibility to catch the psycho. Girls, boys…teachers…workers, could be anyone among the crowd.

“This asshole is a mental bitch, or dick or whatever it is.” Commented my friend.
“Have you tried to call this psycho again?” I shook my head and said, “Useless.”
 

“Hey, guys… May I join?” A familiar voice greeted us. Sophia. A surprise to me actually. I got a glance at Jacqui’s curious face. My heart bloomed. It smiled, joyfully.

“Please,” I contentedly welcomed my dream girl, put aside the puzzlement rendered in my friend’s mind. Once in a while, I saw her eyes gawking at the opposite table, to her Rosy and the gang. I smiled at her countenance. My dream girl took her seat and I offered her a drink, so I went to buy her an apple juice and salad as she wished.

“Thank you, Andrey,” said my beautiful biology teacher, flashing me a tempting smile.
“So now the examination is over. I hope you guys are ready for the following chapter.” 
Sophia started the conversation. I missed that smile really much. It took me back to the rainforest and waterfall I always longing for.
“Have you marked our papers, Miss?” Asked Jacqui. From the expression painted on her face, I know she's not bothered to receive an answer.
“Half,” answered Sophia.
“But Jacqui, you need extra concentration.” She added. Jacqui looked unhappy for the recommendation.
“Are you telling me, I sucked?” My friend asked for further detail. Sophia's response has caught her attention. But the teacher smiled at her and replied, “I don’t say that. It's just that you should put some effort, Jacques.” Like always, her voice is constantly relaxing with a smile and tenderness.
“Hmm, my score must not be very appealing, I believe.” Jacqui lowered her voice, her eyes leered to the opposite table and back to my face.
“You still have time to improve as long as you have the urge.” I attempted to convince my upset friend.
“Well, Andrey… do you have things to do tomorrow?” My teacher cleared up her point.
“If it’s the dinner, I am available, Miss. Just name the time.”
“Great. So, I will pick you up at eight tomorrow. Perfect?”
“Just perfect. I’ll text you my address then.”
“No need. It has all been taken care of. See you both in the lab.”
 

Giving me no room for a question, nor a reply, she then made her way, leaving us both to continue our conversation. Right after she attained a few steps, Jacqui aid with her eager eyes almost screaming, “you fucker! You date a teacher?!!! What the hell, you virgin dyke!” I laughed. She laughed too, harder than me. Rosy and friends seemed disturbed by our laughter. I caught them looking at us.

“Well, as you can see, she asked for it, not me.” Laughed again.
“Cool… cool… Sophia is indeed cool. She’s hot, bro. I thought you liked the lion. At once a tiger asking you for a date, lucky bastard. She should ask me. I’ll beam her to heaven.” 

When Jacqui mentioned the word ‘lion’, something immediately hit my heart. Rina’s face came into my sight. A great night spent with her has touched my sensibility. Should I tell her about Sophia’s invitation? Confused. The circumstances mixed me up. It left me no clue to define what exactly I feel about the teacher. Is it love or merely a pleasure for the concern and affection she gave, for the extra lesson she taught me a few nights ago or the affection is coming softly right to my senses?

“Are you free this afternoon or do you need to waste your time in the library?”
“I have time before five.”
“Five?”
“I run.” She nodded.
“Join me after school. I need to buy some books. I actually have no idea, but my private teacher asked me to get the books by today.” 
Jacqui slid her hand inside her pocket and took out a piece of paper.
“You need a private teacher? Haha, they come to your house to give you a special tutor?”
“My parents’ wish. I hate that teacher, anyway. Sometimes she brings along her three-year-old son… Hell, I hate it. If it’s the lion or the tiger, I would be really lucky then. I swear I would be constantly ready and motivated to sustain private tuition, say it every day, I’d be dying with all my soul to surrender but this old woman, gosh… a disaster. My parents should have drawn me a hot teacher, then everything would be perfect as they wished.” Her honest explanation can really cheer me up. I like this kid.
 

Jacqui was so happy when I agree to accompany her to the book store after school that day. Luckily, we found the books she needed, and after that Jacques invited me for refreshment. There she started.

“I suppose you should try the tiger. Tomorrow. Saturday night, bro.”
“Gosh, no. She is our teacher.”
“Yea, and? Doesn't mean she has no sexual drive. Could be a lesbian too. If I were you, I would use all my magical spell to get into her knickers.”
I threw off my head, however, I showed her my interest. This kid seems to know what she is talking about. I find it interesting.

“You seem really spirited in sex and know really well about that stuff.”
“Oh, yes I do. Sophia is really hot! I bet she is wild in bed. You, my friend, you should give up your virginity to a woman like that. Chances like this come only once in a lifetime. Wasting it for a girl like Caroline is not worthy. The lion is indeed a heaven on earth.”
“Caroline is sweet, I find her cute and smart.”
“Yea, yea… she’s exactly like you, a virgin lesbian. I don’t think that she has ever been kissed. Do you like her?”
“I like her attitude. She is not as loud as your bloody lips, or the other in the clique.”
Jacqui’s face turned sour when I pronounced that name.
“Haha…hey Jacques, relax…hmm any way, do you think Sophia is a lesbian?”
“Could be… but Rina is for certain. I can tell she is.”
“How?”
“Sophia… hmm could be straight, but for sure we can bend a straight, just need some adjustment. Rina, I don’t know, I just feel it by the way she looks at me… particularly you, fucker. But, it’s just my assuming. We need to dig deeper to know the truth. Some are just afraid to come out. They prefer to stay inside the closet till their pussies get rotten.” We laughed out loud to the elucidation made by my funny babbling new friend.
 

Jacqui and I spent around 2 and a half-hour in a mall till around four before she sent me back to school to pick up my bike. I didn't want to be late to fetch Rina for our daily run. So I rushed home, took a quick shower and drove my machine straight to her house. When I got there, she was sitting, reading on the bench in her small garden.

“Honey…” She greeted and kiss my cheek.
“Ready for a run?”
“Hon, hmm... Can we just rest today?” She took both of my hands and wrap them around her waist.
“Lazy…” I picked her nose and she guided me inside the house.
“Just took your shower? I can smell it.” Giving me a kiss on my cheek, she's then taking a seat on the sofa. I followed her.

“I went to the mall with Jacqui after school. Accompanied her to buy some books. No siesta today.”
“Haha, that lazy butt needed some books, what a surprise.” So I told Rina why Jacqui needed the books.
“I missed you…” Taking her hand, I made the confession. She smiled at me and kissed my lips.
“I missed you more, honey. All-day, every day.”
“Rina…”
“Hmm…tell me.”
“Tomorrow Sophia will pick me up at eight.”
“Oh, at last. Great. So you gave in to her invitation.” I simply nodded. My eyes gazing deeply into her reflection, attempting to prod deeper into her ideas.
“Be home before ten, it’s a command.” She broke up a gag. No. It is definitely not a joke.
“I mean it.” She added quickly. I laughed.
“Is this jealousy?”
“Somewhat.” I took her in my arms and gave a simple kissed on her seducing lips.
“You know, hon, your paper was the first I examine. I'm really impressed by your improvement.”
“What is my grade?”
“Let it be a Monday surprise.”
“Rina, hmm…”
“Yes, honey… let it out.”
“I wonder if I will be rewarded for the improvement…” She smiled, moving closer to my heart and said, “you smell so good, honey…”


On the dot at eight, Sophia reached me in front of my gate. Get in her car, she rendered me a dazzling smile and thank me once again for accepting her invitation. We went to a restaurant, a place I have never been to. I never cared much about that, as long as I am with her. Feeling so lucky to spend the night with her, I silently made a wish that this won’t be the first and the last date for us. My brain gave out few questions… Would this woman care for a dance? Does she like to camp? Can she paint? Does she care gazing into the sky with me? Would she be as caring as Rina? I wish to know it all, as good as I understand about Rina through the good times we spent together. If possible, I’d like to know her better than I know Rina and spend as much time as I could with her. Would she care to do the same, just like Rina, without any hesitation doing anything for me? How I wish… But does she wish the same?

“Andrey, I’d like to congratulate you for doing excellently in the exam. I graded all the papers, and you remain my highlight. My best student. You almost made no mistake at all. I'm so proud of you. I wish you luck just as same in the other papers.”
“Thank you, Miss. I’m very pleased to hear this and thank you for being a great teacher. Without you, I wouldn't be this inspired. I adore the way you teach. Relax but clear and intense. Hmm…What about Jacqui?”
“Oh… that one. She certainly needs to put more effort, revision. As a friend, please do advice her, Andrey. She won't improve if she goes on like this.” I nodded.
“I’ll try my best to let her see these matters with a clear mind.”
“Rina told me about your improvement. She is so delighted, you know?” Again, the feeling of guilt rushed into my consciousness. Rina… for a moment I thought about her command. Be home before ten, and yes, she actually asked me to drop by her place.
“I’m practising my best, Miss. I promised my parents and myself. ” My puzzling brain had no better words to depict.
“I believe in your ability. You know Andrey, I truly impressed by what Rina has done to you.”
“What do you mean?” The puzzlement getting harder. Why should she repeat that name during our first date? I felt guilty. I know Rina is waiting for me.
“After what has occurred, I can see your relationship with Rina is refining too, and I reckon this has affected you to some level. I mean it positively. Rina and I, we do discuss our students, and you are constantly highlighted. Mr Fauzi has also expressed his happiness that you finally made up your mind to continue art. I saw some of your paintings. Impressive. You are gifted.”
“Thank you, Miss. Like Mr Fauzi said, the talent shouldn't be wasted. I'm doing it in the sense of affection in art. This I won’t neglect ever again and yea, it’s true, I honestly blame myself for the wrongdoings I did to Rina. Her toleration has opened up my mind. I did apologize to her once again. Her concern has left me a conception regarding the future. I'm grateful to have her attention. And yours too.” Sophia didn't say anything, her smile did the reply.
“What do you usually do on Saturday night?” She inquired after a brief silence.
“Nothing much. At home, TV, music, with my sisters. Once in a while, I go out alone. My life is boring, Miss.”
“Don’t you hang out with Jacqui?”
“No. I guess our interests are different.”
“Hmm… yea, I can see. She can do the talk. You are a quiet person who enjoys being alone. But as I observe at school, both of you are getting closer. I have never seen you do this to any other classmates or schoolmates.”
“I’m comfortable with her, she is funny.”
 

And so the first dinner went on. Nothing much to relate. It was somewhat a bit lacklustre, aside from my obsession towards her that encouraged me to keep my eyes awake. Unlike Rina who is passionate in everything I said and done, the conversation I held with Sophia that night wasn’t like I had a bun in the oven.

My mind kept on analysing the whole situation. Perhaps the dinner means nothing to her. It was me who expected too much. Her face looked empty. Just as same as I see her at school. This never occurred when I am with Rina who is always highly ardent every time we are together. Reasonably, I felt a bit vexed and let down, bored. Talking about school, study, biology… Those are not the things I like to discuss during a special dinner like that. Anyways, I made all ears to every single word she reads.

“Will your parents make trouble if you come home late? I mean… do you need to be home at a certain time?”
“No, Miss. My parents are seldom at home. Even if they are home, they never laid up a curfew. I am free to do anything I like as long as I keep them informed and know my limit.”

To that degree, she warmed up the atmosphere when she eventually asked me for a walk after the dinner, recommended a place near a beach located south of our city, just about half an hour driving. She told me her life is somewhat boring too, in which keep me wondering if she has no special someone who occupies her time. This initiated me to naively ask her about that. As we strolled along the beach, she took off to relate her story.

“I recently split up with my fiancé. It was something I hate to relate actually. But since you show your interest, I think there is nothing more that needs to be covered. In fact, many already know this.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Miss… I really do.”
“It occurred last month, which was the reason why I said last month was a catastrophe. Well… I think he wasn’t meant for me. We were never meant for each other.”
“How long have you been engaged? If you don’t mind, I would like to hear everything about it.” She turned to me with a lonely smile upon her face.
 "Maybe it helps to relieve your sorrow." I tried to convince her.

Unexpectedly, she took my hand and we walked hand in hand towards a fallen tree.
 

“The wave ebbs and flows… just like life. It was a two-year engagement until last month. We are supposed to tie the knot this coming September. Things better remain a dream… I guess. The betrayal better always remains a secret… He has another woman. I am broken, my trust can never be fixed.” The clarification left me wordless, know nothing healthier than waiting for her to voice out her disappointment.

“It demands time for sure, to heal the pain.” She went on.
“Miss, I am here to listen.” I attended at her beautiful expression. Her eyes began to water as she continued, “trusting someone, I always keep my faith that fate has found me the best place to keep my heart. How would I know that fate deceit?” She wiped her eyes with her fingers.
“I loved and trusted him. But his wife needs him much more than I do. I am cheated, you know? For some reasons I hate to know, he married that woman last year, the same thing he promised me.” Her tears kept on falling. I took out my handkerchief, slowly I touched her face and wiped her tears.
“You are beautiful Miss, even when you shed the tears, but please don’t cry. It hurts me to see you sad.”
“Thanks, Andrey.”
“I’m very sorry for needing you this.”
“No, don’t be. I wouldn’t let it out if don’t trust you.”
“Thanks for your trust, Miss.”
“Sure, you are my best.” She smiled at me when she said that.
“I may be too young for you to discuss something like this, but I do understand how you feel. And you are my favourite teacher, I would do anything to make you feel better.”
“You comfort me, I like your company. Somehow... I know you make a good listener and I was right. You care. Thanks.”
“Love doesn’t come easily every day. Only true appreciation make it last forever. There must be someone who will do this for you. I wish…”

My words stopped there. I shouldn’t let something unsure out, at the wrong time.
“You wish…?” She, however, expecting me to continue.
“I wish you all the best. You deserve someone better, who appreciates and honestly loves you. Someone who will never break your heart. I wish only the best for you.”
“I wish you the same… I mean, through the journey of life, when the right time comes, you will finally meet a person who you love, who wants to love you, needs you. Be gentle and good to her, Andrey. Women need tenderness. They should be appreciated, not hurt. Honesty is a respectable thing you can give, make them feel respected.”
“Yes, Miss. I will never forget this. I won’t hurt the girl I love.”
“Have you got one?” I smiled and shook my head.
“Still too early for that…” 
Rina's face instantly came to my intellect and psyche. I took a look at my watch. Half-past ten. I broke the promise. Did I promise her that? It was her command… I wasn’t sure if I should obey the command.

“Miss, would you please excuse me… I need to make a call…hmm to inform my parents.” Yes, I lied. For sure I had to, I didn’t like it, but to tell her about Rina is not a clever thing to do.
 

So I walked a few feet off from where we sit. The call answered within a beep. Before I managed to make a howdy, she claimed the hint.

“Hon, I told you to be home at ten.”
“I know, but she asked for a walk.”
“Where are you now?”
“Just around here.”
“Yea, where?”
“At the beach…”
“Hmm, great, she took you to the beach, and what after this?”
“She’ll drive me home.”
“Or takes you to hers?”
“No, Rina. No, I don’t think so… please…”
“Ask her to drop you in front of my door. I don’t care what time.”
“I promise, I will be there as soon as she sends me home, OK. I will stay with you tonight.” 
She hung up, saying nothing. Jealousy took control, incontrovertibly. I went back and sat next to Sophia.

“What did your dad say?”
“He said, it’s OK… hmm, my parents are both outstations but reminded me not to be so late home.” I attempted to establish an alibi not to prolong the date even though I desired to. On the other hand, I had to be with Rina. I never wanted to make her angry or unhappy. Yes, I was tripping about that. I don’t want Rina to be mad at me and takes away all the happiness she gives. I don’t want to lose her, at the same time, I want to be closer to Sophia…

It is vindicated, Sophia is straight. Even so, the fact doesn't bother me at all. I don't really care about that. All that I know, I want to keep my girls happy. Sophia. And Rina too. Both of them. Both are important. Both have given meaning to my life. Yea, especially Rina who took me to a further journey… we went too far. In essence, this is quite confusing. I want her, always want her. I don’t know if I love her, however, I know that I need her. She made me feel like I own her and this feeling definitely leaving me in a land of disarray.

“Andrey, maybe you’d like to go out with me again some other time?” Sophia’s suggestion has put me up to another degree of commotion.
“Sure Miss, why not. I’m pleased to spend my time with you.” Within the tangle, I used no first thought to spur out the assurance.

The night with Sophia is finally over when she dropped me in front of my house. It was hard to let her go as hard as to let Rina waits.

“Thank you for a lovely night.”
“Thanks to you too, Miss. I feel wonderful.”
Her eyes took on mine when she held out her hand to me. As a last tip, her lips touched my cheek before she bids me good night.
I stood there in front of my house for a few moments till her car disappeared from my sight and then I rushed to my bike, headed to Rina’s house.
 

As she opened the door, there was no kiss, no honey, no smile, nothing. That indicated a not good looking mood and hard work on Saturday night. I puffed a sigh with a smiling heart. This gonna be my first experience to reconcile her.

“Enjoyed?” 
She sat down and switched the TV on. Her face refused to look at me.
“Rina, it was nothing like the time I spent with you.”
“Yea, right… If there was nothing why did she take you to the beach and sent you home this late? See what time is it now? Almost one. You went out at eight. That made five hours.” 

I smiled and walked to her, took my seat by her side and my hand immediately reached hers.

“Is the volcano about to burst?” I kissed her hand and held it firmly. No response.
“Jealousy is a rotten apple, teacher.” Caressing her hair, I left a kiss along her shoulder.
“Do you like her? You want her?”
“No, Rina… She just bust-up with her fiancé. So I listened to her… Well, OK... actually, I was the one who asked her if she has someone in her life and she told me about that.”
“Wow, she told you about that? She trusts you, I assume. Yea, anyway, I know about her breakups.”
“So? Why are you acting like this? She’s definitely not a lesbian, she won’t give a thought about me.”
“Hon, I am a woman, I know how women think, people can change. And I also know you have eyes on her, which was the reason for you to dig up the details.”
“I have my touch on you… I kept thinking about you. You wouldn’t know that… You are important to me, Rina. If I wanted to be with her, I wouldn’t call you when I was half an hour late. I wouldn’t inform you anything and I wouldn’t ask her to send me home. I would just let the time passing by and let her take the lead.” I reached her face, looking deep into her eyes.
“I don’t ask you to trust me, but I want you to see why I am here with you right now if I had a chance to be with her…”
Our eyes met, speaking to each other. Silent momentarily took up the room. I saw a glimpse of light in her beautiful eyes. Looked glum but they were glowing, smiling at me.

“I missed you. I truly do.” I caressed the face I adore. It was the first time I saw her let down by jealousy. On the other hand, I find it arousing when she sulks like that. I feel appreciated and loved with a pure-minded heart. She, however, remained silent. This tells me that I have to perform the task to win her heart, to indulging, pampering and spoil her soul so that the flame won't fade out. I don't want it to go out.
And so I moved closer to her, took her in my arms before I rested my lips on hers and kiss them so deeply.
“Here I am for you. It’s not easy for me to be with someone else while brain can’t stop thinking about you," I reassured my teacher and that was the truth, only the truth, I spoke from my deepest soul. Letting her down is something I will evade with all my might.

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