Wednesday, 5 June 2013

8. MATTER OF TIME


School break will be over in five days. So fast time passes, no one owns the ability to make it linger. As it is well understood that we must wait for the next break to relish the time together again, my twin and I utilized the holiday to the fullest. Even though I enjoyed the time spent with Adrian, on the other hand, I was eagerly returning to school.

Undeniably, the bottomless pine for my science teacher rendered me the gusto. Missing her lecture, her voice, her face, her motion… entirely…
I innocently miss that woman in any kind of way. If only I had her number, I wouldn’t give it a second thought to treat the teacher a dinner or even just a coffee or any occasion feasible, just to spend my time with her. Alas, it happened only in my dreams, the aspiration I’m dying to work on for. 

Beyond expectation between the dreams and the delirium, Rina was meant to be the incontestable reality. It was kind of weird, yet, like it has all well-planned, along with an unconditional affection her alacrity provides me, she turned out to be my unintended, completed by her thorough awareness. The strife between me and her occurred indeed expeditiously in which I never thought that it would end up the same way. 

Looking back to the day I started to dislike her until the ire instigated me to trig~~r the incident, my perspective on her completely changed. In any case, it was my mistake, I can't and won’t deny the fact and as a result, the blunder I created finally took me to a transition. That was where I began to discover the escapade with a fervour which captivating my whole vista. The circumstances I was confronting have opened my eyes to analyse each matter which by no means traversed my mind.

Well, so that’s Rina, my economics teacher, who despite her business, managed to spend her time talking with me on the phone from time to time, even though we set no other date after the sleepover. Expressing her concern about the issue between me and my daddy, she did not forget to inquire how the dinner was, in which I gladly described that the whole thing ran well. Apparently, my teacher was pleased to hear my clarification. Of her own accord, she portrayed me the moments spent with her family during the break. She also expressed her sorry for being fairly occupied preparing tasks for the new semester as she sang about her longing for me. 

It was quite sometime after our third of June. In one way or another, I couldn’t deny the fact that I do feel it too, despite the truth that it was just a week or so. Now that she’s done with her responsibilities, and since we still have five free days before school starts again, therefore, I willingly seized the opportunity to invite her for lunch that day. As it goes on, I was eager to partake in my plans, ready to answer the question she asked me a week ago, regarding my future. She cheerfully accepted my invitation, as we set a date, a restaurant at the mall. Adrian was excited when I informed him about it, although he would be a little late since he has a date with Lisa. My brother just couldn’t wait to introduce his girl and me, unquestionably pleased about that.

I arrived at the restaurant fifteen minutes earlier and as assured, my teacher punctually entered the room. To speak the truth, I was elated to meet her again after a few days of gap. Wearing a body shape Levi’s top with blue Levi’s jeans, accompanied by Levi’s sunglasses over her head, what more can I say? I’d rather let my heart speak and for sure it’d explain about the rapture I experienced when it got struck the moment my eyes saw her entering the space. I smiled with pleasure to consider that we have the same taste here. I love Levi’s too. It happened to be that I chose to wear blue 501 Levi’s jeans with navy blue Levi’s shirt. And yea, Ray-Ban Aviator is my all-time favourite. Her simplicity simply attracts me.

“Am I late, or you were earlier?” She asked delightfully with her blazing smile, extending her hand to me as she left a kiss upon my cheek.
“I missed you,” those three words were gently whispered in my ear as she hugged me before she placed herself by my side.
“I just arrive. It seems so long since I last saw you.”
“Just say it that you miss me too, hon.Her reply made me smile.
“I thought I might be late since I needed to catch a cab. My car is at the workshop for service.” She continued.
“I see. Why didn’t you inform me, so that I can pick you up?”
“Don’t worry about it hon, besides, it was unplanned. Almost forgotten that it’s time for service.”
“Excuse me, please. I’ll be right back.” An idea swiftly crossed my mind.
“Where to?”
“Just a minute… By the way, I’d like to have mango juice and order me something with beef, please.”


Leaving her with a wink, I made my way out of the restaurant, to a motorcycle accessory shop. Yes, to buy a helmet for the teacher so that I could accomplish the wish she once advised me; To experience the feeling of a woman holding me from the back, and today I’m going to give her a nice afternoon motorbike ride. Therefore, I went straight to the shop which I’m familiar with to buy another full-faced helmet. Shoei was my choice, it suits mine. Stirred by her look when she put on my helmet over her head, the choice would surely fit her beautifully. My heart warmed as I recall the day she snatched my Aprilia away. The memory will eternally make me smile.

Unexpectedly, the moment I went out of the shop, I saw a glimpse of a woman whom I surely know. It's Sophia. She was entering a boutique nearby. Feeling energised, I walked straight to her without hesitation.
“Hello, Miss…” I greeted her joyously. She turned her head and flashed me a surprising smile.
“Oh Andrey, glad to meet you… how are you? What are you doing here?”
“As fine as you can see, Miss. Well, actually… I'm about to have my lunch, would you care to join us?” Carrying out my dream, I straightway offered my dream girl, intended to use the opportunity to be with her. Surely came from the feelings I had for her. Hence, I was convinced that she would say yes.
“Us?”
“Oh, I am with Miss Joseph, actually.”
“Rina... hmm... Everything works well with her, I supposed.”
“Positively. Come, Miss, let me treat you lunch.” 

Without disinclination, she gave in to my request and that drew me into deep contentment. The exultation lifted me up as it seemed to be my day for deciding to spend my time at the mall that day. My heart was at ease. The longing that has been distracting me during the school holiday all of a sudden been swept away. How I wished to hold her hand right there if only I could.

We went to the restaurant where Rina was waiting. She seemed a bit curious when she saw Sophia, therefore, without being asked, I provided her with a brief description of the spontaneous meeting. Nevertheless, I kept aside about the helmet I just bought, on purpose to surprise her. Deliberately, I let the helmet in the shop and as informed to the staff, I’ll pick it up later. Rina anyhow felt a concern to know where I’ve been, as the answer, I said, to the loo. Yea, it was not true, but my intention was also factual.

“Dating the student… that’s how cool you are.” 
Openly stated, Sophia warmed up the air, as she took her place right in front of me while I returned to my seat where I was before, next to Rina.
“We bumped in the book store and she invited me for lunch.” Answered Rina as she looked at me, as though she was calling for me to figure out why she opted to create the accident. Since I have been told that Sophia knows about her sexual orientation, for sure it appears to be understandable when she passes her time with a butch like me.
“By chance, here I am too.”
“Actually, I am waiting for my brother. He and his girlfriend will join us, but I’m not sure what time they will be here.”
“I see… as far as I concern you have a twin, am I right?”
“Yes, Miss. How did you find out?”
“Your profile at school. And you have two younger sisters. So, it’s my lucky day to meet the twin. I find it cool to be twins… especially fraternal twins.” 
Her eyes set on mine and I practised every bit of the chance to adore her beauty that I yearn for. Hearing the words she just said, I felt honoured as though I’m flying over the moon to know that she also cares about me.
“I bet he’d be glad to meet you too, Miss.”
“So how was your holiday so far?”
“Well, so far so great. You know I always appreciate being away from school.” She giggled at the replied. I missed seeing that.
“Obviously.” Said Rina. I didn’t know what Rina has on her mind, I haven’t cared that much since Sophia’s existence has flown me away to another side of my sanity.

Chit chatting about school, holiday, and school again, I felt cosy passing my time with two definitions of beauty. Aside from the boring topic they picked up, I attempted to show my attentiveness listening to the conversation between the teachers. The themes were nothing interesting to me, moreover, the dialogue left me wordless since I never cared much about the school and its activities. They were talking about sport, clubs and kinds of stuff, the subjects I was never concerned much about. In all conscience, I was somewhat sleepy. Even so, my full attention was fixed to their voices, expressions, gestures, their beauty, of course. That was the best I managed to get along, at least. 

Not to draw a comparison, but to speak out the truth, I tried to observe these women and to analyse what’s behind their thoughts and smiles. A chance to spend time with Sophia in a private talk like this came only once so far, and consequently, there is nothing much I could relate to illustrate her in details. Her personality, I roughly learn through the sessions of her class. The lot I know and certain of is that she is a stunning woman who stole my heart at first sight. A caring teacher, soft and always smile. Unlike Rina, she never flung chalk at me. True, I was never asleep in her class. It could be the field of study, it could be the teacher itself… either one, possibly both, but the fact is, it helped me to score in the subject. 

And Rina… ‘fierce’ was my first impression when I first saw her. During her lecture, she barely smiles. looks always and stern and serious. And more, boring economics arouses boredom in me, ended me up with chalk upon my head, many times on my face. The tasks and homework given to me, like a hobby, she enjoys scribbling my paper. Even so, never once I botched to fulfil her wish on every little note she left, stating her objective to see me, as clearly written in the papers or my exercise book. 

I recalled the day when the dullness reached its highest level and she needed to set up a quiz during the lecture. My group was annoyed since I failed to provide the best solution when it was my turn to answer. As a result, I turned on my silent mode, ignoring the quiz and the group until she came to my side, hit my desk with her favourite telescopic stick she likes to bring along around the school. It shocked me since I was about to fall asleep.

“I don’t wish to see you in my class again. This is not a hotel room. Go home or anywhere you sleepiness might take you, but not in my class. If you were not interested, please don't appear. You are disturbing the class, uncooperative. You know nothing about the topic we are discussing. The best you can do is ignoring. What's stuck in your head? An empty box?” 
The word she spat, built up my rage against her. Without throwing any answer, I exited the class and it was not the first nor the last.

The lunch was almost over when Adrian finally appeared at the restaurant with his sweetie.
“So sorry for being late… seemingly, you were all done with lunch.”
“Yea, almost. Anyway, Andy… meet my teacher, Sophia."
 “It’s a pleasure to meet you, teacher. Hello Rina, great to see you again.” Said my brother shaking hands with both teachers. Yea great Andy, it’s neat that you voiced it out loudly, which painted a cynical smile upon Sophia’s face with her brows lifted. Whereas, Rina seemed to be fond of the statement as she responded, “sure, Andy… didn’t you remember that you suggested a meetup?”
“And you must be Lisa. Nice to meet you. I am Andrey, the twin.” I diverted the attention to Lisa, tried to cover up the proclamation my brother just made, for I didn’t want Sophia to ask further details, well if she cares. Anyhow, it is now clear to everyone at the table that I have introduced my brother to Rina during a prearranged meeting. Bumped in a book store was plainly a fairy tale. That matters weighing my mind. Why? Probably because I don’t want to lose Sophia’s attention and those worries came from Rina’s existence.

“Yes, Andy showed me some photos of you and I learnt quite something as your brother always brings up your name. Indeed, you are as handsome as your brother. Pleased to finally meet you in person.” We shook hands.

Lisa is a cute nerdy-looking girl who possesses a curvy body shape, fair skin with shoulder-length straight brown hair and behind the glasses she wears, there’s a pair of dark brown eyes and when she smiles, I saw the braces too! Anyway, I am happy for my brother’s happiness. Categorically, we have a visibly different angle in viewing woman, dissimilar taste and sweet nerdy Lisa has the quality he adores, the way I do about Sophia.

Our conversation moved on around the school, study, the holiday and stuff like that, once again. They were all seemed to enjoy the talk while me on the other side battling with my brain. Maybe it was not smart of me to invite Sophia when I was already dating Rina but what can I do? I missed that woman. I wanted to be with her, for sure I became overexcited when I saw her and ignoring the fact that there is another teacher sincerely waiting for me. 


Within my worrying about losing the chance to draw into Sophia’s heart, a little voice suddenly spoke to me, “didn’t you think about how Rina might feel? You asked her out and without feeling guilty you bring in another girl to join the lunch… you are so mean.”  

I tried to overlook that voice. Looking at Rina who seemed to relish the conversation, I don’t think the matter bothers her at all. Maybe Adrian was right when he said that I easily feel disturbed from thinking too much and to worsen the condition, I overdo it. There was no string attached between me and Rina, why should I even hesitate? It was straight, I invited her for lunch but it was not a private meeting or a romantic date. In fact, she had been informed in advance that my brother and Lisa will join us. Sure enough, inviting Sophia was absolutely a clear sense. Why not? Arghhh… Whatever. None of them is officially mine.

The conversation interrupted when Sophia’s cell phone rang. Jealousy erupted and bursting in my entire soul.
“OK, I’ll be there right away. Give me a minute, please.” She gave a quick answer to the person who called her, whoever it was. My jealous heart attempted to ask, but my rational said no. Like it or not, I needed to let her go.
“Hmm, guys, it was nice talking to you, but too bad, I’ve got to make my move now.”
“That’s rather fast,” I said quietly.
“I’m sorry, I have things to do. Thank you for lunch, anyway. Nice to meet you again Adrian, Lisa. See you at school, Andrey, Rina.” 
And so she went away without a hug, not even a handshake, let alone a friendly kiss, but certainly leaving me with a little crack upon my heart.

“Andrey, I need to send Lisa home before seven pm, her dad set up a rule, haha… Anyway, I meet you at home after that if you have no other plan.” I just nodded. My mood totally vanished when Sophia departed. Gone with someone. Maybe her boyfriend, or if she is a lesbian like Rina, then it must be her girlfriend. And me? Expecting indefinite something.

Well, in the end, there was only me and Rina again. I suggested another cup of coffee before we leave and she agreed without questioning.

“Something occurs in your mind and I reckon, I know what it is.” I was only able to shake my head. In point of fact, I was trying to not think about it.
“The way you talk and look at her, hon… be frank with me, I’m open about it.” 
Yea, maybe this teacher is gifted with some kind of magic or whatever they name it when she seems to be able to perceive everything about my emotion better than I do.
“I don’t know what you are talking about. Maybe you have too much fantasy. I am actually thinking about what to do after this. When will your car be ready?” 

What more can I say to refute the truth in the words she just threw? She grinned, showing her beautiful white teeth.
“Today. Why?”
“Nothing, just asking… Feeling not right to let a cab send my teacher home. Anyway, what we are going to do after this?”
“Anything you wish. I’m wholly yours.” She reached out and touched my hand.
“I just want you to be happy honey, and I want to share the happiness. So let’s be happy together.” She lowered her arm along my shoulder and gently kiss my cheek. Somehow I know, she endeavoured to cheer me up.

“What about a movie?” She recommended.
“Boring…” I shook my head.
“Games?” Another suggestion.
“Rather dreary.” Another disagreement.
“A dance?” Expressing her passion.
“Still early.” Somewhat excites me.
“Hmm, a kiss?” She winked.
“We will see.” That drew me a little smile, somewhat, blushing.

We went out of the restaurant and took a little walk around the shopping mall, from shop to shop, just watching around, seeing people, nothing much interesting.
“Do you want to get home now?”
“Still early.”
Aren't you bored?”
“As long as you are with me, the answer is never.”
“Sorry to say, but I'm going home.” I deliberately made up the situation just to see her reaction.
“Oh, that’s genuinely nice of you. Thanks for the treat, anyway.” 
Looked as if she understands me so well, my teacher sensed that I didn't mean it.
“Ha, ha… Come…” I held her hand walking to the bike accessory shop.

“Excuse me. I'm picking up a helmet. Here is my receipt.” I passed the receipt to one of the staff available. Leering to Rina, I caught her staring at me, smiling.

“So, this is yours, Rina. Let’s enjoy a ride.”
“Hon… you paid for this, 'just for a ride'?” The teacher cracked a gag.
“This is no disposable helmet, you see.” I tapped my fingers on that new glossy black helmet and she laughed as she crossed her arm around me.
“So, it was not the loo, if I was right?”
“It was the helmet, you are truly bright.” 
I took out my cell phone again, but immediately she snatched it from me. I just watched her action and after a few seconds, she handed my phone back to me.

“Bought a helmet to take Rina for a ride, so that I could feel the sensation, experiencing a girl holding me from behind.” 
That was what she noted down on my PDA and the sentence made me laugh.
“How is it possible that you seem to know everything occurs in my brain? Am I a book?”
“Do you reckon you look like one?” 
Saying that she narrowed her captivating brown eyes, staring at me from head to toe while holding her left hand on her chin.
“You look somewhat like an economics textbook.” We burst into laughter again.
“It’s just that I have the enthusiasm to read honey, and I’m reading you from every angle that you can never understand.” She added softly. I love the way she portrays her philosophies.
“Not yet.” Completed her sentence, she winked at me as she picked my nose.
“Rina, I’d like to take you to my favourite place where I like to  pass my time skipping school, after school or every time I feel down.”
“Sure, hon, take me anywhere you want. I'm always with you.” 
Enthralled by her beauty, my hand spontaneously reached out her face.
“Thank you, Rina.” I carelessly caressed her face as I fixed her hair before I landed my lips on her forehead and assisted her to put on the brand new helmet as we were standing face to face.

It was 12th June, the very first time in my life I took a girl for a ride on my motorbike. There’s no reason to deny the truth of a dream comes true. Supported by my shoulder, she climbed up on my bike. My green innocent heart started to pound once she put her hands on my laps and I ended up feeling butterflies in my stomach when she rested her chest upon my back, holding me close, as I rammed my machine parting the basement parking lot.


“So, this is the place you hide from school and leave the reality behind?” 
She asked as soon as we stepped down from the bike. I nodded at her question.
“I love this place. Green, tranquil, quiet. Come, I have my private place there.” 
Holding her hand, I led my teacher to the private place I mentioned, closer to the lake, a little further from the main path in which we needed to pass through a short trail. That spot is quite dim as it is surrounded by the trees.

“Are you OK about going to places like this?”
“I’m not a spoilt brat like you.”
“Many people come here on the weekend, during holidays, for sure. That’s why I choose this spot. It’s my private playground.”
“I like this place. I heard about this lake before, but never been here.”
“We have a river too, but a little further to the north of the city, about half an hour driving.”
“Would you take me there someday?”
“Do I have a concrete reason to decline?” She giggled and thanked me as I promised that I’ll take her to the river, someday.
“Sometimes I fish here.” She relinquished her gaze towards the lake. We let the silence fill the space, thenceforth, I sat myself down on a fallen tree and she followed me.
“It wasn’t planned to come here today. Usually, I bring a blanket and lay down". 
She looked at my face and said, “alone…”
“Entirely. I’m used to it. Before Andy went to the boarding school, we did some fishing together, once in a while. He likes to read more than to fish. This place is perfect for reading too.”
“And you are more into fishing?”
“Yea, I learn about patience through it. There were times when Andy and I set up a camp here, on this spot. It was just prodigious. We fish, play the guitar, sing... We even bring the telescope to observe the stars. Cook and eat here… like a real scout, you know? Simply amazing.” 
Reminiscing the days brought me a smile and I miss those moments, I can’t deny.
“That’s imaginable. The good old days… I can tell that you are feeling further from him as time passes by.”
“I couldn't agree more and now he has Lisa. Doesn't mean that I'm jealous or unhappy for him, but yea, this is the phase of life. Everything is changing, right? Somewhat I wish for moments like that again.” She nodded.

“I never talked to any girl like this.” 
Gazing into her face, I made a short pause.
“Yea, I remember you told me about that, but you begin to practice it.”
“With you,” I completed her sentence which I actually intended to say. She moved closer to me and held my hand.
“Honey…” A sweet expression gently whispered in my ear as she laid her head on my shoulder. We let the time goes by, enjoying the beauty and the tranquillity offered by nature. And all above that, I feel blessed to be given an opportunity appreciating the loveliness of a woman who never wavered sitting by my side.

“I decided not to drop your class, teacher.” Quietly I whispered out my mind in her ear. She moved her head from my shoulder and looked at me in the eyes.
“Are you sure?”
I'm very sure that I can master your subject. Don’t you think so?” She smiled like it was a piece of great news.
“Furthermore, I have the best teacher and I should take advantage of her, agree?” 
“When she’s able to offer, you have no concrete reason to deny. And no hon, I don’t doubt your ability.”
“Hopefully, there’ll be no more chalk to waste.”
Haha, I can’t promise you that unless you are willing to learn how to catch.” 
She always manages to sing a good rhyme and I adore the delicacy she bestowed.

I'm taking art too. This I certainly will do. I love art. The things you said keep singing in my mind and they help me out of the darkness. I'm getting clear now about what I want. Looking forward to the next five, six years and the next years after that…”
“Andrey, I'm proud of you. I feel fulfilled, impressed and very glad to hear this. I will always stand by your side, through thick and thin."
"I'm grateful to have you, Rina."
"How do I express my happiness? I have no idea… May I give you a hug, instead?”
“You hugged and kissed me in public, in front of my brother without even asking. Now it’s just the two of us here and you are being so decent asking for permission. You can be weird sometimes.” 
"Two weirdos make an excellent couple." Her smile reached her eyes. I saw happiness and sincerity glowing in those eyes. Waiting for no reply, I smoothly took her in my arms. Once she was there, neat in my arms, I realised in actual fact how much I missed her.
“Thank you for the inspiration,” I uttered my appreciation when we loosen the grip.
 “You are beautiful Andrey. Don’t spoil it. I will always pray for you, supporting you, by all means. Have faith.
“Thanks, teacher.” I smiled as I caressed her face. She held my hand and then she put it around her shoulder.
“I never thought you were so damn romantic.” 
Giving some kind of compliment, she leaned her back restfully upon my chest.
“I am learning…” 
Adoring her scent, I managed to leave traces of small kisses on her cheek. I seemed so used to the fragrance she put on… Yea, go on, tease me... But it was a true lie when I once said, 'even her smell makes me sick'. Anger makes us an idiot. Period.

 “Honeythis will be our place from now on, if you allowed me to share your private playground.” She turned her body, facing me.
“Indeed, I'm in need.”
“If it is a yes, would you care for a camp? Tomorrow?” 
Her suggestion made my heart jumping in excitement. It’s been so long since I last camped here with Adrian.
“Seriously?” Although it was clear, a yes, still I needed assurance.
“There are things you should learn about me.”
“Which are?”
“Nature, music, arts… We have things in common. We will pick it up by and by. Somehow I have strong feelings that we are compatible. So, let’s watch the stars, fish, cook, and sing together, like real scoutsDoesn't that sound beautiful?”
Aren't you afraid?”
“Of what?”
“Of the darkness.”
“There’s always a glimpse of light in the dark.”
“You believe that?”
“Positively. And I believe there’s someone meant to carry the light.

And so it was a time when the sun ready to say goodnight and the dusk slowly took its turn. No one owns the ability to make it linger. Picking up the same quotation once again, she reassured me that we have lots of tomorrows. Yes, tomorrow… No one has the power to anticipate what tomorrow will bring. As a matter of fact, no one is prohibited to design a plan. While me, I won’t stop sketching, perhaps the next days, I would initiate drafting. In any trail I’m tracking, I began to realise that life is more than just green and blue.

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