Wednesday, 10 April 2013


“The art of getting things done through people. Planning, organising, leading and controlling,” defined the teacher who is wearing glasses with her hair neatly tied up, dressed in a pair of black pants and blue blouse covered by a black blazer. Nothing exciting, at whatever pace. Snared in the tedium, still, I catch every detail of her speech on that new syllabus. Not that I refuse to focus, but economics to me is an uninteresting subject. Likewise, the teacher who is teaching economics in our class is anything but an affable woman who keeps me unmotivated.

Time and again, she put an effort to invent my mistake. There is always something that doesn't hit her eyes. It’s like she’s observing me from each and every angle of the institution, just to pick a hole in me. This strange fact that I had to swallow all at once had turned off my interest in her class. Pressure and restlessness struck me each time she gets into the division.  That has given me every reason why I feel demoralised to stay focus. Unfortunately, I had no other choice but to attend.

My heavy eyes were no longer able to bear the weight of this boredom. Countless of times I yawn due to the drowsiness. Once again, I rubbed my face with both of my palms, paying no heed to her voice that echoes in my ears. The teacher seemed very enthusiastic with the lecture she presented whereas, I was only able to close my eyes to her who never tired babbling in front of the classroom.

“Social unit in which two or more people interact to achieve a common goal on a set of goals,” she went on and chalk landed straight on my face as I scrawled the textbook with my head lying on the desk.

“You, come here and define management.” 
She gave a firm command with a resolute tone of her voice I could never possibly refuse. The language she chose to indicate the antagonism left me a little shock. As a result, I spontaneously reacted in response, “huh... What the hell?” Then, I lifted my head, looked up to her feeling annoyed. For the umpteenth time, my patience brought to the test. Exasperation was all I feel at that moment.
“Here, and define management to the class!” She commanded, raising her voice. How I hate being treated like that. Still, it is clear to see that the teacher appeared to swell with pride taking pleasure in her supremacy to domineer me, knowing I have no power to disavow her. This had happened many times.

Given that, once again, by compulsion, I walked sluggishly to the front of the classroom, obeying her domination.

“What did you just say?” As you might expect, the teacher stared into my eyes with her ferocious face, and as usual, of course, no smile. Likewise, I rarely see her smiling. Certainly not at me.

“What the hell, Miss.” Taking back her sight, I responded decently while my heart asking myself the same question again. A question that requires an honest answer, “why does she hate me this much?”
“Very well. Now you can get the hell out of my class!”

It was not a surprise, she did it again. True, we both habitually playing that game. There's no harmony at all between me and the teacher, linking to the subject she teaches. The economics, she, herself, all of these elements extremely burn me out. The whole thing is just awfully boring to tears. Thereof, I never give up an attempt to finding excuses to deflect away from attending her session. Alas, there’s nothing I could do other than to present myself, feeling dispirited. When all's said and done, to be driven out of her class was always something I’m waiting for. This gives me a sense of freedom and pleasure. On that account, without delay, I took my bag and made my move quickly out of the classroom.

“Fucking old chick...” Mumbled as I fed her a sloppy expression.

Like a dog with two tails, I rushed to the café and buy me a coffee. Afterwards, I went straight to the park, taking a seat under a tree to relax my brain while waiting until her session is done. The combination of the smell from the coffee and the smoke from the cigarette had triggered an idea the moment my eyes switched to the parking lot, where I spot her car. 

"Hmm... That’s indeed an appealing revelation.” 
An unhealthy inspiration crossed my mind in a flash. On impulse, I stood up, taking a good look around. To the cafeteria, to the classes across the parking lot, to the field. Clear. Silent. Just perfect. During this hour, both the students and the teachers are still busy with their lectures. These opportunities have given me additional confidence and vigour to follow through my evil intentions. There was not the slightest doubt or fear in me at that time. Above and beyond, I felt vastly electrified to perform my mission. 

Ultimately, my eyes set to that black car of hers.
"This is the right time to teach you something, Rina,” I whispered to myself as I slowly make my way, armed with self-assurance towards her car. My eyes cautiously watching all over the place, to ensure that there’s no one observing my action. Great, it was quiet and silent. No one would spoil my plan. I slipped behind the row of cars to reach her car which parked between two other cars. This position allows me to complete the crime without much effort. I bent down, taking the right side, at the driver's door, carefully reaching my backpack and clutched my best-loved Swiss Army Knife.
“There you go… Now, let me teach you a lesson or two! I’m giving you a fucking accurate definition of management, teacher!”

With no second thought given, swiftly I scratch the car door with blazing fury, fearless.
“I 💓 Rina. ” There, a line gorgeously marked on her machine. I was well aware; It is not difficult for her to find the culprit behind this incident and I'm positively sure that she will stretch me a severe punishment. Somehow, I feel so willing to deal with the teacher as if all I wanted was to confront her. Like an absolute thrill to me, I sense the gust tempting in my blood. Do I need to worry if my actions will force me to break my savings? Or should I feel upset if my offence comes to the knowledge of my parents? Or even if the teacher will drag my misconduct for a cruel penalisation? No, I don't give a fuck! Beyond doubt, I’m ready and all set for whatever up shots that might come up. Rina is calling for a lesson, on the face of it. The hatred, rage, anger and heartache buried deep inside my heart for so long towards the economics teacher crave for a release. I could not let her to continuously fool me as if I’m the most witless student in the school. The time has come for an explosion, no matter what it takes.

After decorating the grudge across the door of her car, I decided to skip the rest of school session that day. Wasting no time for thinking. I made my way, feeling fulfilled. That afternoon, I went to rest my mind by the lake, a place where I often spend my time skipping school.

Sometimes, I ask myself, why did I choose to continue my study there? Why must I occupy the A ‘Level? Why don't I just further my study at a private college? Isn't that easier, much better and look more mature? Ahhh ... It's all because of dad. He is the one who decided all this. It’s apparently not my idea. What is my power to disobey my father's request or will?

"Your O' Level result is very disappointing." Dad threw the paper in my face.
"This is not what I expected." He added in an intonation that hurt my ears and my heart too.
"I want to continue my studies at a private college, that would do for me if the university is not my place."

Looking at my face with a cynical smile, I saw his fierce eyes penetrate the stalk of my heart and it has successfully numbed me. My mouth was helpless to discharge everything accumulated in my heart, let alone to ask him to fulfil my wish.
"Choose one of the two. A' Level or you get out of here, decide your own life."

His final word took the lead, and then he left me alone, without giving me a chance to defend myself and my request.

Perhaps the results of my O' Level are not to be proud of but with that, I am still eligible to take A 'Level. In fact, I am qualified to apply for at least a place at a polytechnic or any college available across the country. But my father wanted the first, so this is where my second life began. Halfhearted. Half a dead heart and this dead heart of mine deserve to endure a resurrection.

A formal invitation sent to me on the following day. Where to? Where else, sure enough to the counselling room. Again. It wasn’t the first time. Doubtless, it has been wholeheartedly expected. The room I call 'my second home' has watched several dramas I caused throughout two years being a part of the establishment. The gaffe is no longer an issue to me, in point of fact, this situation already synonymous with me.

“I hate economics and commerce, management, whatever related to that,” being truthful, I voiced what is locked in my heart for so long. The chance shouldn't be wasted. Therefore, without any hesitation, I gave them a genuine answer when they question me about the scratches I made on the door of Miss Catherina Joseph’s car.
“What it has to do with my car?” The teacher came close to me, standing only an inch away, piercing her furious eyes wrathfully into mine. Fierce, filled with antipathy, just like a lion enjoying its victim.
“To tell you that I hate your class.” Me, on the other hand not in the least affected by that sharp look. Instead, I put back her sight directly into her eyes.
They both glanced at each other. The chick and the fucker.
“I want to go now.” At full tilt, my hand grabbed my backpack that lay on the floor before I stood up, keen to leave. I took a peep at Rina who was signing a paper before Mr Remy handed the document to me.
“Two weeks suspension. Mark here,” ordered Mr Remy.

Wasting no time, I snatched the paper and carelessly read it through. As my eyes brood over into the eyes that glared at me with a sense of hostility while I was validating the missive, generously I delivered her a trifling fake smile.
“At least, I'll be free from school for two weeks… yuhuu.”
I passed over her, deliberately bump my shoulder on hers.

Getting suspended from school for two weeks, I feel free like a bird. The excitement sparked in my entire being. That’s incredibly terrific. It was something that I at all times look forward to. Recalling Miss Catherina Joseph who is so cocky, arrogant and obnoxious, the school was nothing interesting. And of course, not a place where I can have some fun. What annoys me to a greater extent is, she, every day, this woman called Rina will be teaching in my class. Every day, without a break. Economics, commerce, management, she masters all of the subjects, which weakens my determination. Every day I pray that her place will be substituted by any other teacher, but it turns out that my prayer is not answered. Maybe it will never be answered. How I wish that it would. I'm not having good luck. There were no signs or rumours that she would retire from being my teacher.

Two pm. It was still too early to go home, so, I opted to hang out at my favourite coffee shop occupying my time to get pleasure from a cup of tea. I plan to spend the whole afternoon at the lake, after that. The place where I appreciate to relish my time in private. Being alone helps me to get into a mood to finding a pure tranquillity of a peaceful mind. Away from all the noises and crowd, I am used to be unaccompanied like this. To be all by myself is nothing new to me. This enriches millions of philosophies. Safe and disengage, free to do whatever I want, anything I like, without the need to wait for anyone to go on, let alone the need for approval to proceed.

Along with each swallow of the Earl Grey, my brain actively planning activities to organise during the ‘holiday’. However, there was one thing that bothered me even though at first, my anger had turned off all worries. Truth be told, thinking about how to deal with my parents left me a bit unsettled, despite the airy sensation knowing that I do not need to get up early for school. The thought of facing them, especially my dad, had sent an unpleasing intuit inside of me. What reasons must I fabricate this time? I just hope that my parents will be busy with their businesses and have no time to 'entertain' such a problem.

My mind spinning around, pondering the possibilities with each sip of the tea and the strains of the songs from the mp3 player. Ordinary World from Duran Duran was playing in my ears the moment when a hand came touching my shoulder, waking me up from my thoughts. Tender, though off-the-cuff to shock me enough. I lowered the volume, turning my head to the figure who’s standing right before me out of the blue. Here, before my eyes, the teacher is taking the opposite seat without an invitation, still with her fierce eyes clouded behind those glasses.

“Care for tea?” I asked, a little hesitant. As it happened, Rina’s presence cramping me. She smiled to some extent, breathing down on my neck. An annoyed smile. A hatred, perhaps.
“Now, tell me... The suspension flies you over the moon, hmm?”

Disregarding my offer, she went straight to her point. I didn’t bother to provide a reply. So sudden and so sweet I became speechless, throwing my eyesight at the street. The best thing I can do was giving her permission to talk. To calm me down, thus, I lit up a smoke.

“Anxious, aren’t you?” She kept on asking.
“I considered you have a smart conclusion for this.”

She looked relax with an intimidating smile as she sat back, crossing her arms and her legs while one of those legs deliberately bumping mine. I immediately divert my legs to the other side, avoiding from being touched by hers.

Within the nervousness, I reassured myself to stare straight into her face. Eyes meet eyes, a few seconds passed. At length, I took the final puff on the cigarette and then put it off.

“With what?” Instead of passing on an answer, I took her back, leaning my body comfortably on the seat.
“With my car that you scratched, honey. Do you expect me to drive the machine with that writing on it? I’m being tolerated with you politely now.”
The word ‘honey’ by some means caused my lips effortlessly sending her a grin.
“Point your wish, Miss.”
“Ha, ha... Are you telling me to cut this off? What a funny person you are. I suppose you own the answer before you proceed. Exercise your brain healthily in the future, Adriana.”
“I can’t afford the repairing. I am sorry.”
She chuckled to my answer, uncrossing her arms as I stood up to pull out my wallet.
“Let me check.” Then, I took my seat and I passed her every cash I have.
“Well, look, this is all I have… hmmm, exactly 45.70, after I pay the drink. Take it, I hope this will do for your car.”

Looked into her eyes, her face still beaming with that expression. The sort of beam that I hate to view. A mocking smile that tells me how proud and vain and arrogant she is.
“Are you trying to offend me?”
“No. I’m just being honest with you. That’s all I can afford right now.”
“Look, I have an idea. A healthy, smart and reasonable idea,” said the teacher while putting back the money on my hand.
“Which is?”
“That motorbike, it belongs to you, isn't it? Not a loan from your parents or someone else?” She pointed her forefinger at my black superbike. I nodded. In response to that soundless answer, she flashed a shining smile. Momentary, I caught sight of her twinkling eyes.

“And yes, it’s a gift from my dad for my seventeenth birthday,” I added proudly as she didn’t reply, just excitedly viewing my motorbike.
“Spoilt brat. Anyway, cool... I fancy that bike.” She turned her head, looking back at me, examine my face with attentiveness.
“Well... Let’s be fair and square. I’ll keep that bike as collateral for the debt you are not able to pay until you can afford the repairing, understand? Now, you can hand me the key.”

Without extending the preamble, she expressed her desire, her ‘healthy, smart and reasonable’ idea. Looking very much poised, with her intense eyes piercing on mine, she forced me to give her the key. As soon as I realised that the key was lying on the table, hence, I immediately grabbed it and put it inside the pocket of my jeans.

“You can’t be serious. Please, leave me alone.”
“Yes, I surely am... And no, I will never leave, not until you give me the key. Pass it to me now.”
“You can’t even ride a motorbike.”
“You will see. I said give me the key."
“Ahhh... You must be kidding me.”
“No, I am not... Take this for scratching my car.”
“No fucking way...!”

She finally raised, trying to take hold of my hands. I didn't dodge, instead,  I joined her, face to face, just a centimetre away. People around us were watching. Argghhh... What a pure embarrassment. I hate her. God!!! I hate this woman. I feel like I just want to shout those words to her face. But my courage is gone. It's gone!!! And I don't know why...

She came closer to me. Straight away, she slid her hand into my jeans’ pocket. Oh... No... This time I had to dodge away, but she persisted to force and for some inexplicable reason, I became too weak to resist the action of the teacher.

“There it is.”
She laughed as held the key, swinging it to my face, left me wordless, powerless and obscured. Her immediate act has put an end of my ability to respond as quickly as I should. 
Not enough with that, she pushed my shoulder, sinking me at the wall. Before I manage to think of anything else, she added my surprise by putting her hand behind my head. She then pulled my face close to her and kiss my lips for a few seconds, before she freed me, completing her victory with the sentence, “and that’s for being very impolite to me all the time.”

I, who was so taken aback, became speechless, embarrassed, startled, with a variety of emotional states arise in my heart and judgments. The disagreements, they were all gathered in my throat without the competence to jump out of my mouth. I couldn't throw a single word as a consequent of her actions, especially the kiss. The teacher I hate has kissed me. Rina kissed me!!! Is that a kiss of hatred? Anger? Revenge? Why did she kiss my lips in a situation, in an incident that I, myself have no clue what to call?

Isn't she supposed to punish me with a sentence commensurate with the crime I committed? But why a kiss? 'For being impolite towards her all the time'? A kiss I never dreamed of. Truth be told, that kiss has awakened me from a dream. She has just kissed me and she has also taken my motorcycle’s key. Those are not a dream. Rina made me cringe and limp. Confused and puzzled.

“You wish to play a game, huh? Let’s play, Andrey. This is merely a beginning...” She settled the argument as she let loose of me. Afterwards, she took my helmet, walked down the stairs to my motorcycle and started the engine as she blew me a kiss before she drove away.

I couldn't believe my eyes that the bitch just went away with my beloved bike and I did nothing to stop her as if she has put me under a spell. What am I? A coward or something? She left me standing there with pairs of eyes chuckling at me with grins and smiles on their facial expressions. And me? She made me hailing a cab. What a bloody shame!!!

That was the most historic day in my life, where and how this story begins.

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